a court of light and shadow

Chapter 27

sorry for the long wait! this chapter was an emotional roller coaster to write and we didn't have a lot of time with school starting again.

with love your authors K. and N.

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Azriel
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Azriel had been miserable all day. Not only because of the ice water the girls had dumped on him, no he had experienced much worse than that when he was abused as just a young child and when he first moved to the Illyrian camp for training. He couldn't stop thinking about Gwyn, thinking about the way he had hurt her made Azriel's heartache, so he spent all day wallowing in self-loathing and guilt. after rolling in bed for hours he still got no sleep.

so Shadowing made his way to the library, he had to talk to Gwyn. He had to explain himself and his actions. He had no idea if Gwyn would ever forgive him, he did the worst thing, she trusted him. And he betrayed her.

Azriel stood in front of her door, hand raised to knock.

But he couldn't
The Shame and embarrassment of his actions were killing him on the inside, he couldn't stand in front of her. To see the hurt in Gwyn's eyes, which used to always sparkling at him. They were supposed to sparkle all the time not be full of pain and grief and tears like the last time he had seen her.
Shadowsinger turned to go away but the sound of crying and whimpering, made him freeze immediately.

"Gwyn." 

 her name was nothing more than a whisper. The crying didn't stop. She sobbed. Again and again.

She was probably having a nightmare.
But he wasn't there to comfort her like he always did. Quietly, Azriel sat down on the floor, he might have collapsed if he didn't. The shadows on his shoulders- wanted to go to her. so did he.Sobbing came from Gwyn's room, this time closer. Azriel almost stopped breathing, when he realised; Gwyn was sitting on the floor like him. Azriel turned his head and leaned his forehead against the wall.
She couldn't feel him here, he knew it. But the hope of that didn't fall into him.
"Please," 

he whispered, "Please, forgive me."

He closed his eyes, 

"I can't lose you, love."

 only then did Azriel realise that quiet tears were falling down his cheeks.
'Please.'

Gwyn

....
Gwyn had never felt so hurt and betrayed. She knew Azriel had his reasons to do it but still, couldn't believe that he did it.
After Cassian, Azriel was the first male she trusted. At first, when she saw Shadowsinger after- everything that happened to her, Gwyn was nervous. Every time she looked at him, remembered that night, her sister, King's soldiers—
But then Starfall happened. And for the first time, she felt calm in front of him.
Every night when she had her nightmares, she went into the training room, and every time Azriel was coming. They have talked, laughed a bit, but still felt so comfortable around each other.Now she dreamt about her sister again, but then nightmare went to Azriel being with Elain, kissing her, touching her—Gwyn woke up sobbing. Heartbeat beating so fast that for a second she thought her heart would stop. She got up from the bed and sat on the floor, shutting her eyes.
Her chest hurt- not chest. Her heart.
She felt pain in her whole body. Mentally more.
'Please'
That's a word she heard in her head.
Please what? Who was it?
"Oh, Cauldron." 

she breathed and got up. She needed fresh air and some water.

Gwyn opened the door and went into the hall. But stopped immediately.
"Azriel?"