two worlds apart // harry styles

chapter 1

this town - niall horan

***

Diana's POV:

"So Diana," my therapist said, looking up at me from her notepad. "Are you ready to talk today?"

She asked me this every single session. It was always the first thing she asked even though she knew I would never talk. It's not that I didn't want to talk about what had happened, I just physically and mentally couldn't.

Ever since October 13, 2020, I was a mess. I would either spend my days crying or I would be so mad and angry at myself that I would start scratching my skin, sometimes causing it to bleed and leave scars.

It wasn't on purpose. It was never on purpose but I couldn't stop myself when I did it. Harry obviously didn't know, it only happened in the shower where the hot, almost boiling water would burn the wounds or whenever he wasn't home and I was having a panic attack.

Harry was supposed to be my rock through this but he wasn't. He was never home anymore and I didn't know what to do. I couldn't open up to Niall and Zayn, they wouldn't understand.

They wouldn't understand the pain I went through holding my dead daughter in my hands after spending almost 21 hours giving birth to her. When her cries were non-existent my heart broke in half.

How could my body do this? It was meant to provide a safe and healthy place for my child but it decided to kill her instead. It decided that it wasn't enough to keep my baby alive.

How? That's the only question that's been running through my mind. How?

"Diana," Doctor Ryan said, gaining my attention. "It's been thirty minutes and you haven't said a word," she said, looking at the clock.

My appointment had been at 12:30 pm and now it was two minutes past 1 pm. Had my mind been running for that long? Had I been trying to figure out what I did wrong for thirty minutes without realizing it?

"I'm sorry,"  I mumbled, the only two words I've spoken so far.

"Diana," she said, putting down her notepad and looking up at me. "I want to help you, I really do but I can't do anything if you don't talk to me. I'm not a mind reader sweetie, I need you to talk to me. Otherwise there's nothing I can do."

"I- I-," I stuttered, trying to start talking. "I'm sorry I can't. It hurts too much to say the words."

I could feel the tears starting to leak from my eyes and if I didn't stop, I would be a bawling mess on my poor therapist's couch and I didn't think she would want that. I hated being an inconvenience to other people and doing this made me an inconvenience to her.

"Diana?" I heard, her voice slightly muffled. I could hear her voice and see her face but I couldn't move. I couldn't speak or say anything. I felt paralyzed while tears were flowing down my cheeks and my body was shaking.

"Diana, can you hear me?" she asked again, her hand touching my arm which made me flinch.

"I'm sorry I shouldn't have done that," Doctor Ryan apologized. I mentally forgave her but couldn't say the words.

God why was this happening to me? Why was my body doing this to me?

"Diana, I need to call someone. Do you want me to call your husband?" she asked hesitantly.

"No!" The one word to have escaped my mouth was no. Why did I not want her to call Harry? He was my husband. He should know about these things that are happening to me.