There's always room for another

Chapter 3: the crack

Byulyi's family had cried. Yongsun had wanted to be the one that told them, had insisted because she was Byulyi's best friend - still was, she refused to believe that Byulyi was gone, even though it was nearing day five, and they still hadn't found her. The man from the suicide patrol team that Yongsun had talked to that night on the river bank - he called often. Yongsun had saved him in her phone as 'Hope'.

Jeongeun-unnie had offered, but Yongsun hadn't allowed her. It didn't feel right, she wanted to tell her. Jeongeun-unnie had been on the bridge, but hadn't been able to stop Byulyi from going over the edge. Hadn't been able to guess that the boy would grab onto Byulyi and throw them both over. Jeongeun-unnie had failed her.

(Which her - Byulyi or Yongsun - Yongsun didn't want to decide.)

She hadn't spoken to Jeongeun-unnie much lately.

Byulyi's youngest sister, Yeseol, was the hardest to watch. Yeseol was in the middle of middle school. Yongsun couldn't imagine what that was like, having to listen to someone tell you that your elder sister was gone - no, missing. Yongsun thought of her own sister then - maybe she should give her a call.

Byulyi's father had pleaded with her. Asked her to tell them that she was alright. That she was in hospital, maybe badly injured, but alive. Byulyi's mother had asked her why Yongsun had let her eldest daughter go out on the bridge that night at all, why couldn't they have just driven by?

Yongsun didn't have an answer to that one.

She promised them the company was trying their best to get them information, that the CEOs were both putting in money into the effort. The police and the suicide watch patrol had sent out more search teams, but as time went on, Yongsun knew that they were slowly coming to the conclusion that Byulyi was lost to the river. Trawling the riverbed was not an option, she knew. Resources were better spent elsewhere.

She left two hours after she'd arrived, having been coaxed into having some tea that Byulyi's second sister - who was back home on break from university - had decided to brew. Seulgi was the only one that hadn't cried. Instead, Yongsun had felt her eyes on her the whole time she was there, watching. When Yongsun took her leave, Seulgi followed.

"You shouldn't have said it like that." Seulgi let the door to their apartment close behind her, leaving them in the hallway. She kept her voice low. "You shouldn't have said it like she's dead."

"I didn't -"

"You did." Seulgi looked a lot like Byulyi. She even had similar glasses. Byulyi had confessed to her one night that Seulgi drove her crazy. Always trying to copy her. Always stealing her clothes. Yongsun had laughed then. Typical younger sister behaviour. Wanting to be like her cool unnie.

Byulyi had groaned then. "Don't make me try to understand her feelings. I bet she'll just be thrilled to have my things if anything ever happens to me."

Seulgi had Byulyi's grit too. She met Yongsun's look unflinchingly. The leader felt like crying.

"I'm..." Her apology was cut off with a raise of Seulgi's hand.

"Don't say it," Seulgi said, her voice threatening. "Or else I'll really get angry."

Yongsun swallowed, looked away. Silence.

"We have to believe, Yongsun-unnie." Seulgi's voice was soft. So like Byulyi's. The thought made Yongsun's heart ache. "If you start talking like that...you're Byulyi's person, unnie. You know that."

Yongsun balled her hands into fists, hoping the pressure would calm her stinging eyes. She turned away and walked down the stairs.

(Byulyi was Yongsun's person too.)

(Everybody knew that.)

---

Somehow, it wasn't on the news yet. It had happened late enough - and quickly enough - that no reporters had caught wind of it. There were rumours though, from the Moomoos. And even though the company had canceled all their public schedules, they had kept their recordings and practices. Their CEO had thought that it would be good for them to keep busy.

Hyejin killed the music, slumping against the wall next to it as she tried to catch her breath. They all were out of breath; they'd gone through an intensive dance practice with no breaks. Wheein laid out on the floor, her chest heaving. Yongsun went to grab their water bottles.

"Let's stop here," Yongsun said, taking a sip from hers as she passed the other two theirs. She frowned when Hyejin refused her drink. "Hyejin."

"I don't need it." Hyejin turned back to her phone, putting on another song. This one was low, with bass so heavy Yongsun could feel the floor vibrate under her feet. Wheein took a sip out of her bottle as she sat up; she watched her best friend go back to her position in front of the mirror. Yongsun opened her mouth to say something, but Wheein shot her a look. Yongsun fell silent.

It was hard to talk to Wheein now. Not the same kind of hard that it was to talk to Jeongeun-unnie. With their manager, there was betrayal. But with Wheein - well. It felt like Wheein was mad at her, for some reason.

Yongsun had been too far away. Yongsun couldn't have done anything.

(Byulyi had told her to stay.)

They watched Hyejin push herself through two more songs before staggering. Wheein was by her side in a flash, pulling her down next to her and pressing on her shoulders until she was pinned to the floor. Yongsun thought Hyejin would hit her - the scowl on her face seemed to imply some level of violence. But Hyejin just...gave up.

Earlier, Jeongeun-unnie had caught them before their practice to tell them that the police were pressing the company to allow the force to release a statement. They wanted to let people know that Moon Byulyi was missing, and that people should be on the lookout for her. The company had wanted to keep it quiet first. But Yongsun had agreed that they had waited long enough.

Two more days and it would be a week since the incident. People needed to know.

"I'm going crazy." Hyejin squeezed her eyes shut, breathless from exertion. "It's driving me crazy not knowing where she is. If she's even alive."

"Hyejin -"

"How can you two act like it's okay? Like it's normal for us to be here, practicing without her?" There it was. Yongsun was almost relieved to hear the anger in her voice. "How could you pretend like she never existed?"

"Shut up." Wheein slammed Hyejin's wrists to the floor. She was straddling her friend now, leant over her, her hands tight around Hyejin's slim wrists, her arms shaking. Yongsun could see it now, the crack in the calm Wheein had carried with her the past few days. She welcomed it even.

They hadn't cried yet. Or in Wheein's case, she hadn't cried enough. Yongsun found herself sitting on the floor, pulling her knees up against her, wishing she had Byulyi by her side. Byulyi would rub her back, wrap an arm around her shoulders, press herself against her side and bury her nose in Yongsun's neck. She would be close, close enough that Yongsun could feel her breathing and be calm. Yongsun would know that she was there.

Instead, Yongsun's side was cold as she watched her two best friends fall apart, crying into each other's shoulders, holding each other tight. She couldn't help but feel failure on her tongue.