convicted || b.e

chapter twenty four

billie's pov

"billie, this is unacceptable." my manager scolds me but all i can think about is my pounding headache.

"can i have some ibuprofen?" i ask, ignoring everything he says.

"no! you cannot! who knows if your addicted to that too." he scoffs.

"it's just ibuprofen.." i mutter under my breath.

"you're missing the point, billie. you cant go to parties and derail because your little girlfriend had to go back home. you are an adult, with an adult job. so start to act like it." he tells me.

"yeah and as an adult i wanna party!" i defend.

"well you can't! you're on this tour as a part of your job. we aren't paying you to party. we aren't paying you to show up to meetings and sound check shit faced and cross faded. we aren't paying you for you to blow off making music to go to a club with some strangers and do go knows what. we are not paying you to be hungover every morning. ever since jada left three days ago, you've gone off the rails. we're almost done with tour, and i am not going to let you fuck this up for me, the label, and yourself. understood?" he shoves his finger in my face.

"yep." i nod while rubbing my face. my fucking head is killing me.

"now go back to your room, sleep off this hangover, and be back here at 3pm sharp for soundcheck." he dismisses me which i happily get up and into my uber that's already waiting for me.

while he drives me back to my hotel i text some british dude's number that i got last night at the bar.

billie
hey ur that dude
from the bar right

(xxx) xxx - xxxx
i'm a girl but yes
that'd be me lol

billie
oh shit my bad,
what's ur name?

(xxx) xxx - xxxx
it's emma

billie
alr cool

emma
and ur billie, right?
the singer?

billie
yea that's me. what
do u look like again
lol uh my bad

emma
here maybe this'll
ring a bell

she stops replying so i lock my phone and look at the scenery as we drive past it. i miss jada. it's been three days since she left and we haven't been talking a whole lot because i'm in cambridge right now and she's in LA so the time zones and shit make it hard for us to reach each other.

on top of that, i haven't really been doing so great as i'm sure you can tell. since she's left, i've kinda spiraled. which jada doesn't know about thank god cause she'd kill me. but anyways it's been really hard for me to be by myself without her and without a positive influence like her with me everyday so now i just drink and smoke and party like every single night after shows. idk how to ever end this cycle.

it feels like i'm completely dependent on jada to keep me out of trouble and to keep me sober and i hate that more than anything. i'm trying to be stronger than my urges to do this bad shit but without her here i just can't.