Why The Hell Not (Currently Editing)

Vulnerable

Zara I looked at him with strange eyes. It's like I was conflicted on my emotions. Part of me wanted to feel his skin on mine, and another part wanted to scream at him! I felt dirty, stupid, jealous and just a little used...

"Are you going to tell me what's wrong?" he asked, looking down to meet my eyes.

How do I tell him that I'm upset about a girl who probably hasn't thought about me twice? How do I tell him that I feel like a dirty mop? How do I find the words to say that I feel lied to?

He stared at me and waited for me to find the words to speak. Each second felt like minutes as he watched my every move so intensely! He was studying me so much, little did he know that that was making me feel more uncomfortable. He looked like wine, and I looked like why!

"Almost everything.." I finally said, after 2 minutes of silence. My voice was bare above a whisper, cracking near the end of my sentence. I felt so small right now under his eyes.

"Okay, start with the first thing that comes to mind," he said, crossing his arms over his chest.

I looked to the ground, desperate to break eye contact. How can he look at me while I look and smell like this? I felt so self-conscious!

"Or start wherever you want. I just wanna help'' he said. I could feel his eyes burning the top of my head. Was he really going to watch me till I spoke?

After another 2 minutes of dead silence, I got my answer to that question.

It was so quiet I could hear the people in the hallway breathing. The tension in this room was so intimidating. I counted how many times I took a breath just to make sure I didn't pass out.

This is my mate, my mate that I've not even known for a whole 24 hours, and this is how we start our lives. I always thought me and my mate would just click the second we locked eyes, but pretty much every time he has seen me I've looked my worst.

I was so lost in my head that I didn't even notice I was crying till I felt his hand on my check. He gently wiped the tears from my eyes with his right hand. He rubbed my shoulders with his left.

"I'm sorry" he suddenly said, making my head snap up at him. Why was he saying sorry? I didn't even tell him what he did yet! "I don't mean to pressure you into telling me what's wrong, I just want to make you feel better..can you tell me how I can do that?"

He took another step closer to me and I instantly stepped back.

"I smell bad" I said, just high enough for him to hear it.

"Don't ever step away from me like that" He basically warned, before his eyes softened again. "Why would I care about how you smell when you're upset right now?"

"Because it's part of the reason I'm upset. Every time you see me I look a mess" I finally said. I now know that if I didn't start talking, we would just sit here for 15 hours in loud silence.

"Well that's an easy fix that I can help with. I could run you a bath" he offered, reaching out to tuck some hair behind my ear. "Would you like that?"

I found myself smiling softly at his actions, leaning into his hand. I would much rather prefer a shower, but I wasn't going to complain.

"Yes" I nodded.

"Could I get more pieces to the puzzle?" He asked, allowing my head to rest on his hand. He pulled me closer, using his thumb to rub under my jawbone.

"Who is she?" I asked, quickly hating myself for asking like that. Deep down I knew I had to, I needed to know so I could stop thinking about it.

"The only she that we both have seen besides your family is Abigail. She's my beta and best friend. Why? Did she say anything to you?"