Himitsu No Ai 秘密の愛 ⋮ Levi Ackerman

Omake (憧れ): An Aquired Feeling

Akogare (憧れ)
meaning: a sense of aspiration to be like someone else. Such as a feeling of longing to achieve something similar to a person you see as a role model.

Sometime ago, when Wall Maria still lay in the hands of the enemy...

"Eren!" your arms dive to his underarms and you're attempting to lift him up, "Get up!"

He stumbles and he only drops back down. He's on his knees. He pulls his head into his chest. He's heaving, he's bawling, he's shouting and he continues to belittle himself.

"YOU'RE AS USELESS AS YOU EVER WERE!" He screams into the ground, "NOTHING'S CHANGED!"

The once tranquil prairie fills with chaos. It's littered with destruction and wounded soldiers of the Survey Corps. This vast area is stained with the dead and the cries of the dying were enough to make even—what seemed like—the bravest tremble in fear.

Hours ago, you had rode on your steed next to Commander Erwin Smith. The man sat tall on his stallion as he gave words of encouragement to his subordinates. His voice and words were powered by a fervent spirit. He hoped to incite this same burning passion onto everyone who stood before him and to anyone whose willing to risk their life for humanity. Erwin raises his sword to the air, his horse rears as it neighs and the man gives a rallying cry before he sets off with everyone else who shared his devotion.

Who knew that it would come to this.

Life and death, that's what it came to. But that's how it's always been anytime the Scout Regiment went beyond the walls of presumed safety. Confidence or panic, whichever it may be, everyone tries to do what they can to defeat the Titans. Some fight in teams, some fight alone and some have succumbed to hysteria. You'll never know if you'll win or lose, you'll never know if you'll live or die. All you can do is trust the decisions of your teammates, trust in your own decision and hope it won't be one you'll regret later. This was something that Levi had taught you.

"EREN! STAND UP!" You grab him again and you hoist him up, "PLEASE!"

There was no time to cry about short-comings and things he couldn't achieve. Soldiers, some you deemed as friends were dying around you. But all the guy does is stagger and he falls to the floor again.

Soldiers of the Survey Corps swing around the two of you as they continue their battle, some closer than others and all working towards the same goal. But you, you're just standing here trying to make sense to this green-eyed male and the carnage around you becomes too hard to ignore. It was either leave him to die or die with him.

Levi's nearby he sees your frustration by the way your arms were moving and by the way you were shouting. Although, he couldn't hear a single thing. It's too noisy. He's concerned because the two of you were idle and could seemingly get eaten at any moment. He wanted to save you both, but there's too much going on and if it came down to choosing to save 10 lives versus 2, he knew where his decision lays. It's not a decision that he favored but he's always been a realistic man. Levi continues to move effortlessly through the air and so quick that even the most versed eyes had difficulty following. He takes down what seemed like the 10th Titan this past hour. All he could do is trust you and Eren to do the right thing and that's to stay alive.

"Eren, listen to me." You didn't have the heart to leave him behind. He's your friend, "Man or child. Strong or weak. None of that will matter once you're dead."

"I-I can't....I still can't do anything at all...." Eren continues to sob against the earth.

"You're weak because you're afraid of people seeing your weakness. Which is why you're impulsive. Don't let shame decide who you are." You're getting angry now and your voice rises, "If you expect life to be fair to you because you're fair than you're just fooling yourself! That's like you expecting Titans not to eat you just because you didn't eat them!!"

The guy weeps silently.

"We live life by working for a cause, not for applause. I know you want to be strong. Like Mikasa, Levi, Me. But you need to understand that I'm not as strong as you—or everyone—thinks I am. I'm only strong because of Mikasa. Because of Levi. Because of everyone else!........Because of you."

He slowly brings himself upright. You're right. He's being foolish and he feels like a complete idiot. Sitting here crying and doing absolutely nothing.

"There's no I in team. Armins hurt. Mikasa needs you. Everyone needs you....I need you." You put your hand out to him, "I believe you'll get what you want, if you want it badly enough. So get up, Eren."

Nothing in life is free. Nothing comes without hard work. Eren realizes that it's not just about him.

He takes your hand.

Eren couldn't thank you enough for that day. You had changed his view of life and even the way he thought of himself. He unknowingly became attached to you, not physically, mentally. You gave him words of encouragement each battle and he saved you each battle (coincidentally). He's never felt as strong as he does now and it's all thanks to you. You were his lucky charm. The guy thought he could do anything as long as you were around.

He talked about you a lot to Mikasa, to Armin, to anyone really. He eventually found himself wanting to be around you more often than not. He found himself wanting to drum up mindless conversation even if your answers were one-worded and you seemed uninterested. The guy eventually finds himself infatuated with you and he's not sure how he feels about it. He keeps it to himself.

Sometime later Eren sees Jean Kirschtein trying to pursue you and on multiple occasions. Eren had no intentions to act on his emotions (because he thinks it's just a phase), so the green-eyed male wasn't sure why he was so bothered by this idea of you and Jean (possibly).

Time goes on and his feelings for you continue to fester. He's come to the realization that it's not going to go away and that he does in fact like you—a lot. But then there's still ceaseless Jean to worry about.

And the funniest part of all this is the fact that no one knows just how in love you were with Levi Ackerman.

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Author Note

Wanted to elaborate on Eren and Y/N.