I had that feeling floating around in the bottom of my stomach like I hadn't eaten enough,like the feeling you get when you cry till you can't cry anymore,like the fresh feeling of worry when you here bad news.It's like feeling even more than empty.
It's hard to explain but I knew exactly how I was feeling and I wasn't sure I wanted it to stop because it showed that I had some ounce of emotion left in me.
What Harry said to me really got me thinking,I knew I loved him,I had never said it to him or anyone else for that matter and I don't want to admit it but I know deep down I know I would break if I lost him as well.
I left after what he said just to think,I needed to be alone to think to contemplate everything without anyone else's input.
I had lost some pretty important people in my life.Liv,Alice and Abby want nothing to do with me and I guess the guys don't either but more importantly Luke.I don't want to hurt him anymore or make anything worse and I guess in a way i've stepped up and stopped letting fate decided.
I'm going to leave Luke,I wouldn't want to make the mental wound any deeper it just seems like an un-human thing to do.
I knew that even if I tried to ignore Harry it would be a certain that I would run back to him,there's no way to avoid him,to fight it so why should I.
Even after all the crap I've caused I want to be happy and I think the first step in doing that is leaving the past behind and concentrating on the things I know will make me happy.
and hopefully Harry will be that thing that makes me happy,
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"So have you thought yet?" Harry asked me,the street lamp what hitting his eyes and making them seem deeper than usual,like a bottomless swampy lake,he hadn't stopped looking at me,not letting his eyes wonder off to stop any awkward tension.
I sat on the wall outside my house,with a small distance between us,still close enough to reach out for him if I wanted.
"Of course,I'm trying to do what makes me happy" I replied still not looking directly at him,but I occasionally let my eyes flicker up at him from looking at my converse scuff on the gravel where I swing my legs.
"I want to make you happy" Harry quickly replied as if he didn't leave a second to check what he was saying before it shot out of his mouth.
"If you want to make me happy,why did do what you did then?" I asked keeping my voice quite,I didn't want to shout and argue that wasn't the point of me texting him to come meet me here.
Harry shifted a little,maybe because of the wind or because he didn't know what to say.I wasn'y used to this,Harry thinking about what he said,he was quite and collective and his personality was completely stripped back.
"you wouldn't of made the decision if I didn't,you would of let it drag on and trust me Piper this whole thing could of been so much worse"
We both knew he was right.
'I need you Piper and you need me"
He was right again.
"you feel torn but you know you want to forgive me and I promise I will make sure if you forgive me it will be the best decision of your life"
"Please Piper just speak,let me know what you are thinking I can't do this alone"
"okay" I faintly whispered out,it sounded vaguely normal because of how quite it was,with the exception to the wind whistling around us.
"okay,what is okay meant to mean?" Harry questioned,I could sense him breaking,not like he does normally where he snaps and shouts but I felt this feeling of want or maybe even need from him.
"Okay means we can start over" I slowly looked up at him,he was looking and me with his mouth slightly parted and I swear I could see his whole body relax with one breath.
Before I could even blink Harry fell into me standing up and dragging me with him into a hug so his big arms were wrapped around my entire body.
"I love you Piper,I fucking love you" He whispered into my ear,making me smile.
He had a long way to go before things would be good again,but then again so did I,I realized after what Harry said to me,I need to stop blaming others for my problems and take responsibility for them myself.
"we have a lot of work to do you know that" this time the way I spoke to him was more light hearted,more normal.
"I gathered" He spoke into my ear again,when i actually listened to him and heard how raw his accent was it made my tummy flutter.
For the first time in forever I felt as if I could maybe make everything fall into place,the way I needed it.
(HI I HAVEN'T UPDATED IN FOREVER IM SO SORRY+I DIDN'T CHECK THIS SO SORRY FOR SPELLING/GRAMMAR MISTAKES)
