Katie's Cafe

27

The next week goes by uneventfully, not that I consider it a bad thing these days. Between work, Tom and the fact that Hannah is now officially dating Kian, I'd say I welcome a bit of boring normality.

I'm not an idiot, so I'm fully aware that if I'd told her to keep away from him then she probably would've ended up sneaking around with him behind my back eventually.

At least if I know they're together and reluctantly gave her my blessing, then she'll be far more likely to tell me exactly where she's going and what she's doing with him.

"I'll be back at about ten," she tells me before she leaves for her date.

"Don't do anything I wouldn't do".

"That leaves me with very little options," she rolls her eyes.

"Bitch, love you".

"Love you too".

I ring Tom to say goodnight after I've had something to eat then crawl into bed, hoping to get a decent nights sleep.

Just as I'm about to drift off, my phone vibrates. A text was sent from an unknown number again, so I knew that it had to be from Damien.

It's done

So what happens now?

Do nothing and move on

Well if that's really it, then I guess I'll just have to wait and see if Tom says anything in the next few days. So much for getting a good nights sleep, because that's definitely going to play on my mind all night.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Tom hasn't been in for his morning coffee, called or even text me at all. I'm positive that Hannah can tell I'm freaking out on the inside because I keep making mistakes.

Something was definitely wrong.

"Go take a break, Sara".

"I said I'm fine".

"Are you bollocks. Go outside for a breather and don't come back in until you've got your head on straight".

I don't know the reason, but as soon as I'm outside the door I carry on walking with no clear destination in mind. My thoughts are so chaotic I can hardly focus.

All sense of time seemed to disappear, because the next thing I know, I'm at the corner shop. I don't even remember coming in, but I'm currently standing in front of the many shelves filled with wines and spirits.

My hand starts shaking uncontrollably when I reach for the nearest bottle of vodka, my fingers are mere millimetres away from touching it right now.

I hadn't touched a drop in five years, but for some reason, I felt like I desperately needed it today. Ever since I got out of bed this morning I've been completely overwhelmed and my head feels like it's going to explode.

As if by some divine intervention, my phone starts ringing in my pocket and after seeing Tom's name there on the screen I felt like I was being pulled back from the darkest abyss.

"Hello Tom," I breathe a sigh of relief.

"Where are you? I came to the cafe for lunch just now but you weren't there?"

"Sorry. I had a bit of a headache so I went out to get some fresh air".

"Where are you now, I'll come pick you up?"

"I'm at the corner shop. I nipped in to get some paracetamol".

"I'll see you in a minute then".

He sounds a bit worried, but all I can think about is getting the hell away from all that alcohol in front of me before I make a serious mistake I can't undo.

Tom's already outside waiting for me when I come out, so I quickly get in his car and hug him.

"Are you feeling alright?"

"I'm fine".

"Are you sure? You're shaking," he says, placing his hands on top of mine.

"Actually, can you take me to your house so we can talk?"

"Of course".

No sooner are we through his front door, I practically start tearing the clothes off his body. It felt so wrong, but I needed to take my mind off of everything else.

We fuck like animals right then and there on the hallway floor without even bothering to make it upstairs to the bedroom.

I feel better once we've finished, but once I start to redress myself he seems to have noticed that something is still off with me.

"Sara, what's wrong?" he asks.

"Nothing. I said I'm fine".

I see him just standing there, barely half dressed and looking at me as though he doesn't believe a word I'm saying.

"Sara, where's the paracetamol?"

"What are you on about?"

"You said you were getting some paracetamol from the shop. So where is it?"

"Are you interrogating me now, Detective Dalton?"

I try to laugh it off, but I'm annoyed that he's questioning me about it at all because I'm not in the mood for this today.

"No, I'm asking my girlfriend an honest question".

"Well here's an honest answer for you. Fuck off, Tom".

"What the hell wrong with you today? You said you wanted to talk, but the second we walked through that door you wanted to have sex. Then the second we're done you're being..."

"Being what? An absolute bitch?"

"That wasn't what I was going to say," he sighs.

I really couldn't handle this shit right now. With Damien lurking around doing God knows what with that laptop, I couldn't cope with a suspicious boyfriend breathing down my neck as well.

"I think I need a break, Tom".

"From what?"

"From this, from us. This is all a bit too much for me right now, and I'm really struggling, alright".

"Struggling how?"

I take a deep breath, in and out. I couldn't keep this to myself because the guilt would be too much for me to deal with.

"When you rang me earlier and I was at the corner shop, I was seconds away from picking up a bottle of vodka. Is that what you wanted to hear?"

"Why didn't you just tell me that before?"

"Maybe because I'm ashamed of myself? Hannah's going to be pissed off with me if she ever finds out. I can't put her through all that again".

"Did something happen to trigger this off?"

I couldn't tell him the whole truth, but I could at least give him a little honesty.

"I don't know. I've been feeling really anxious lately, so when you didn't come in the cafe this morning or text me, I thought something must've been wrong".

"Sara, I swear nothing is wrong. I just had to go into work early this morning and that's why I came in for lunch so I could see you".

"I'm really sorry".

"You don't have apologise for this. You can talk to me about anything".

I couldn't though, could I? I can't exactly tell him that I'm anxiously waiting to find out if somebody else is being framed for a series of murders that I'd committed.

"I need some time and space to think, that's all".

"About us?"

"About everything really".

"I understand. Come on, I'll take you back to work".

Had I really just done that to Tom after everything? What the fuck am I doing? He's been nothing but supportive, and I'd thrown him away like he means absolutely nothing to me.