Cardinal

Chapter 16

I pretty much run to my room after hearing Keenan's voice. Something about my links knowing something I've kept hidden feels unnerving to me. 

While running upstairs, I could hear them calling out my name but ultimately, none of them come after me. 

I play with the phone and I'm surprised by the versatility of the device Julie has gotten me. I text Julie on my new phone and contemplate more about the changes in my life. 

I hear a small knock on my door which causes my anxiety to spike and my heart to thunder. To my surprise, Damian is on the other side of it. 

I can't get used to the sight of him. He knocks the breath out of my body as he stands at the threshold of the door. He's dressed casually in his gray sweatpants and plain white t-shirt which hugs his muscular body. However, there's nothing casual about his at all. His curly blonde hair was a little damp from what I'm guessing was a recent shower, and his blue eyes were almost too bright for his face and clashes with his expression. 

He rubs the back of his neck which makes his shirt ride up a little and I can see a trail of dark blonde hair leading down to his... 

I shake my head to stop these thoughts from running through my head and I force my gaze to snap back up to his face. He looks at me with uncertainty in his eyes. There's a crackling intensity between us. Tension so tight that it wounds my insides, starting a low desire pooling at my core. 

I'm speechless because he's just that beautiful. 

"Hey..." I wave at him, finally getting the courage to say something, cutting the intensity a degree between us. 

"I want to talk, without you freaking out this time," he explains to me. 

Damian's purpose in finding me doesn't shock me.  I know they've all been avoiding me. However, links are always drawn to their cardinal. Though, they seem to do a good job of not doing what they're meant to do. 

"I think I can do that. I'm sorry about earlier and my gift's been a little more...tame...since being back here." 

"Can I come in?" He asks innocently, though with a slight hesitation in his voice. 

I nod my head and lead him through the ridiculously-sized room. Dread and excitement pool in my gut, mixing into an internal turmoil that continues as we sit on the bed awkwardly. Him on one side and me on the other. The distance is quite large for two people talking yet the emotional distance seems larger at the moment. 

"I've been trying not to...feel you." Vulnerability seeps from his voice and he closes his eyes. 

My heart's beating fast with the thought that he's reaching out to feel me. This is bad. I'm not sure why I feel self-conscious now. He can't attempt to read my thoughts like Steel but this is somehow worse than that. The intimacy of knowing my feelings. My feelings, for someone who was with...someone else. 

"Wait!" I jump towards him trying to stop whatever he was trying to do. Though, I'm not sure being closer to an empath was the smartest idea. I stop just in front of him and enough to distract him from what he was doing. 

"Lilac..." He closes his eyes, almost as if he's trying to hold himself back. 

"Earlier, in the foyer, I felt you. You..." He gulps mid-sentence, his crystalline blue eye almost brimming with emotion. I can't look away, even though I want to. He's my soul, my heart, bound to me forever. 

"You still want us. You still want me. I felt your desire, your affection but you're scared of something..."

I shake my head at him, trying to discourage him from entering this territory. 

"What do you want me to say?" My voice cracks and I feel my eyes water. 

"That I didn't want to leave? Or that you're all that I think about every second of the day? Or that I can't let myself feel this way for you because you're with Sicily? Or that even now, I still remember every detail of the day that we first met and the feeling of finally, FINALLY, like I belonged? That thinking about you has made some of the worst moments of my life bearable?" 

It all explodes out of me like a ball of fire without even thinking. I jump off of the bed to get away from him and whatever drug he's inducing. He grabs my hand to stop me from exiting the bed. 

I gasp at the contact and I feel his search through my eyes in surprise. 

He tightens his hand at my forearm which keeps me in my place. 

"Then, why, Lilac? Why did you leave in the first place if you wanted to be with us so bad? Don't fucking bring Sicily into this. She was here when you left, so you can't spout that bullshit. She picked up the pieces YOU left behind. But this, between us? She won't ever, fucking replace." 

The polite decorum that he usually maintains is broken. I'm shocked into oblivion because this isn't the nice and polite Damian from five years ago. This is someone else. I can't help but feel the anger that he projects through his gift as well as through our connection. His emotions slam into me like a freight train and I gasp at the feeling. Not only can he feel and know what the other person is feeling but he's able to project his own feelings to other people as well. His anger fuels my own and hot tears start to pour out of my face. 

As I try to pull my arm out of his grasp, he grabs my face with his hands and sears his lips on mine. Without hesitation and with a gasp, I immediately respond and open up to him as he licks the seam of my mouth with his tongue. He feels hot, almost too hot but I find myself magnetized to his heat and finally, FINALLY, reach up to pull on his soft curls. His curls are still wet from his shower but soft nonetheless. He gasps at my motion and proceeds to grasp the back of my neck, stroking up, and grasping my hair by the roots making me moan and gasp in response. My anger and his anger mold together until I feel his desire under my skin like a soft caress, making me instantly wet, my core throbbing with anticipation. He kisses me like this is his last moment on Earth and the intensity and urgency of his mouth on mine fills my emotional bucket to the brim that I pull away. 

It's...too much. Tears streak my face from the emotional overload while Damian and I pant from the intensity. Wow. 

"I..." Damian starts but I cut him off. I feel him reel his gift in a bit, and finally think clearer without his emotions muddying my brain. 

"Please, don't prod. You won't like the answers to your questions." I beg him softly. 

He searches my eyes, trying to find something there but I cut my connection off from him, not wanting to feel any more of what he's feeling. I can feel myself giving in. Maybe if I just tell them? Maybe if he understands, it won't hurt that much for him. 

But I can't. I steel my expression again, not wanting to give anything away. 

I can see that he takes offense to my response after our heated kiss, his eyes and expression were too transparent and open for any answer otherwise. 

I see his broken expression and I know I can't do it if I see anymore. So, I turn away from him while I hear his retreating footsteps and the loud slam of my door reverberating through my room. 

I crumble to the floor when he leaves, the weight of my decisions burying me down tenfold. 

They're not ending up like my family. I WILL protect them whatever the cost. 

"...Whatever the cost," I repeat to myself, steeling my resolve once again.