Cardinal

Chapter 38

Warmth.

My head was light and my body felt like a feather slowly falling and falling. I was encased in what felt like liquid heat. 

I'm free, I thought. 

We're almost free. Another voice in my head said. 

Hmmm, extremely weird seeing that it didn't sound like how my voice usually sounds in my head. 

But I was wrapped in this heated silk and I wanted to sink further and further into it. Something in my heart tugged and I felt almost complete. It felt like I was nothing and everything at the same time and it was magical. To be free from worries and just be encased in this soft, soft warmth was everything to me. 

This must be what heaven felt like, I thought. 

Heaven. 

Come back to me, Lilac. Something, or, someone was in my head. 

Wake up, love. We're safe. You can pull it all back now. 

Pull back?, I questioned that statement, alarm bells ringing in my head. I wanted to sink more into the warm silk but I felt like someone was pulling me back. My heart was tugging at someone and I wanted to go back to them. As much as I'd love to be in this warm silk, I needed to go back. 

"Mmm..." I moaned. I felt weird, like I was still floating and I felt like my eyes were glued shut together. Light, warm kisses peppered my face and my neck and I groaned at how good it felt. But I couldn't open my eyes yet. One more minute of floating into this feeling. Please. 

Wake up, Lilac. I heard Steel's voice in my head. 

Steel. I said his name over and over in my head like a prayer. He's here and we're okay. 

Like a distant but yet so very painful memory, I felt him fading away from my chest. That small connection we made years ago ignited the tiny flickering flame of our link in my chest. It was always there and I always, always felt him. Even when I was away all those years. 

That painful tearing in my chest scared the shit out of me and I couldn't deny myself from him anymore. The thought of him not being part of me and me not being a part of him was painful then but it grew to be more painful now. 

We were meant to be together. It was destiny. I realize that now. There was no escaping destiny and I should know. For all intents and purposes, I was destiny personified. 

I could feel it more clearly now. Feeling him, feeling them, feeling me. I was closer to me and I was closer to them. 

Floating in that effervescent heat dissipated every obscure, incongruous, and skeptical scenario I had created in my head to justify my actions for leaving them and the consequences of that, including how my links reacted. None of us are blameless but it's like I'm seeing through all the muddy bullshit for the first time. 

Everything was clear in my head, especially what I needed to do and what needs to be done.  

Steel. 

I said it again softly but over and over in my head. 

Steel. Steel. Steel. 

Holy shit, I can hear you.  I could hear the surprise in his voice, loving the way it sounds in my head. 

I'm actually really excited and a little nervous about this new development but I need you to pull back, Lil. You've got us covered in your dark smoke every-fucking-where AND it's tickling me. I would also love to see your beautiful face while we enjoy our morning after. He laughs in my head and god, how I fucking love the sound of him laughing.