A Dream Or A Nightmare?

19

It was kind of ironic to say, but Meredith felt like she was drowning. The guilt of birthing her own baby, and not knowing where she was or who had her was consuming her.

And then there was the sadness. She was so glad she was back in Seattle with her friends and family, but she was sad. She was upset that she even let this happen to herself in the first place.

And then...then there was the exhaustion.

Physically, she was healing well. She was on track with everything, but she definitely was still sore. Meredith could finally use crutches, which was a plus.

Emotionally....not so much. If her mother was alive and could see her now...she would so ashamed and disappointed.

Meredith was just drained. She was sick of being scared in her own house. Sick of having to sit at home all day. But she couldn't exactly do anything about it. Why?

Because she was scared.

She knew it was pathetic,  but one wrong move and everything could change again.

She was drowning.

•••

Derek didn't know what to do. All those years ago, he knew Meredith had depression. But she never said anything about it. That was when their relationship was fresh and new, but she still never opened up to him about it.

Growing up, derek could Honestly say he didn't have Much experience with depression. Sure, the death of his father emotionally hurt him and his family for a while, but he didn't truly know what it was like firsthand.

But his sister, Amelia, did.

So, while Meredith and the kids were still sleeping, he pulled out his phone and dialed the familiar number.

"Hello?" Amelia answered. "Hi Amy." Derek replied. "Derek, what's up?" She replied. "I have...sort of a personal question to ask you." He said hesitantly.

"Shoot." Amelia said. "Um...you've had depression before, right?" Derek asked. "Yeah, after Ryan died. Why?" Amelia answered, getting concerned.

"I think Meredith has it again." He admitted quietly. "I don't blame her, after what she went through. What do you mean again?" She asked.

"She had it a few years ago, I think." Derek replied. "Okay. Did she ever do anytning to act on it? Cause I turned to drugs." Amelia said calmly.

"I don't know for sure. There was one time she almost...drowned. I never found out if she gave up or..." Derek trailed off.

"So she may have been suicidal?" Amelia asked gently. "Maybe." He answered. "I don't know what to do, Ames." Derek said, a fear in his voice Amelia had never heard before.

"Keep an eye on her. I don't think she'd act on anything. When does she start therapy?" She questioned. "A week."

"Okay. That'll help. As long as she's not turning to anything harmful to herself, she'll be okay." Amelia explained. "Is there anything I can do? Or should do?" Derek asked.

"There's not much you can do other than be there for her. I don't know how trusting she is with you, but just be there. Talk to her like everything is okay, it makes it better." Amelia said.

"Okay. Thanks, Amelia." Derek said. "You're welcome. Keep me updated. If you need me to come over, just let me know. I know how it is." She said.

•••

Meredith and the kids got up shortly after Derek ended the call. Derek made breakfast for them all, and when they were done, they sat on the couch and watched some cartoons.

"You feeling okay?" Derek asked quietly while Bailey and Zola watched tv. "Yeah." Meredith replied, faking a smile.

Derek slowly put his arm around her and pulled her close. To his surprise, Meredith didn't pull away, but rested her head on his shoulder.

A while later, the kids got bored and went to their playroom. Derek heard Meredith inhale sharply, and he knew she was trying not to cry.

"Hey, what's wrong?" He asked softly. "I just..." Meredith started before bursting into tears. "Hey, it's okay. You're okay, mer." Derek whispered, holding her closer.

He was glad she was letting her emotions out, not bottling it up like she had done in the past. "I...it's...hate it." Meredith cried into his chest. It was the dam she built up holding her emotions in just burst.

"Let it out, Mer. All of it." Derek whispered, rubbing her back soothingly. And so she did. She cried and cried and cried until there were no tears left and she was on the verge of dehydration.

"I want my-our baby back." Meredith whispered, her tone broken and cracking. "We'll get her back, Meredith. The police are looking. I promise you we will get our baby girl back." He reassured.

"But when?" Meredith asked, louder. "I don't know." He replied. Meredith sighed. "Can you bring me
Upstairs?" She asked defeated.

Derek nodded and carefully scooped up his wife. He brought her upstairs and put her down gently in their bed. "You good?" Derek asked, kissing her forehead.

"Yeah. Thanks." Meredith said solemnly, turning away from him and closing her eyes. Derek nodded and left the room.

This was just the beginning of Merediths recovery. The emotional affect would leave the biggest scars, not the physical affect. And that's what scared Derek the most. He didn't know really how to help her.

Therapy couldn't come soon enough.

And he could only hope that would help her.

Hey guys! Thank you all for reading and I hope you enjoy. If you have any ideas, please drop them!!