A Dream Or A Nightmare?

15

Derek was concerned.

It had only been a few nights since Meredith returned home, but he knew she hadn't slept in a good 4 nights.

She said she did, but he could tell by the dark bags under her eyes and just by how slow she was with her everyday movements.

She also did not eat much. He cooked for her, breakfast, lunch, and dinner, but she never finished all of it.

He wanted to ask her why she wasn't sleeping. Why she wasn't eating. But he didn't want to bring up any bad memories for her.

But Derek was concerned. So he knew he needed to ask her. He sent the kids with Alex for the night, and he was going to help her.

•••

Derek woke up one morning, and he immediately knew Meredith was awake. "Morning." Meredith said quietly.

"Good morning." He replied, turning on his side and kissing her softly. "How did you sleep?" She asked. "Great. You?" Derek asked.

"Fine." Meredith lied. Truth be told, she hadn't slept more than 2 hours.

"Are you sure?" Derek questioned. "Yeah. I slept fine." She said. "Mer, if you aren't sleeping, that's a problem. Please be honest with me, because the bags under your eyes tell differently." He pleaded.

Meredith looked away from him and at her lap. "Please." Derek urged quietly, grabbing her hand in support.

"I don't want to sleep. I can't sleep." She whispered honestly. "Why not?" He asked gently. "If I sleep, I dream of that place." She admitted.

"So you're having nightmares?" Derek asked for clarification. Meredith nodded. "Mer, you have to sleep." He said.

"I know. B-but I can't. Every time I close my eyes all I saw is a fist coming at me or-or something like that." Meredith said.

"What can I do to help you?" Derek asked. "I don't  know. All I know is that I don't want to sleep." Meredith replied.

"How tired are you? 1-10."

Meredith hesitated for a moment before speaking. "9." She admitted. "Oh, Mer. Would it make you feel better if I...held you?" He offered.

"You have been." Meredith replied. "No, I mean...I read online that victims of assault sometimes like to be...enveloped, I guess you could say. Like a big hug." Derek explained.

"You could try." Meredith shrugged. Derek nodded and he carefully rearranged himself behind her, her small body between his legs.

"Is this okay?" He asked. "Yeah." Meredith replied, leaning back into his arms. "I read the pressure and the feeling of someone surrounding you helps. But if it doesn't-" Derek started.

"It does. It's...safe." Meredith said honestly, wrapping his arms tighter around her torso. "Just close your eyes. I'll be right here with you." He whispered.

"I love you." Meredith replied. "I love you too."

•••

Meredith slept for a solid 3 hours before she started whimpering. "It's okay, Mer. I got you." He whispered, holding her close.

"No." Meredith cried out.

"Meredith, it's just a dream. You're safe and okay." He said louder. Merediths whimpers quieted down and her breath became heavier in sleep.

Derek smiled to himself.

She was finally sleeping.

•••

Meredith woke up once again hours later, feeling well slept and refreshed for the first time in days. And Derek was still holding her, just as he promised.

"Hi sleepy head." Derek whispered. "Hi." She replied with a grin plastered on his face.  "I slept." She said in awe.

"Yes you did." Derek replied with a smile. "Thank you." Meredith said, kissing his hand that was still holding her tight.

"It's my pleasure." He said, kissing her forehead. "Do you want me to make you breakfast?" He offered hopefully.

Meredith hesitated for a moment before nodding. "What would you like?" He asked. Meredith looked at the clock, and it was lunch time.

"Just a sandwich." Meredith replied. "I'll give you some chips or something too." Derek said, getting out of bed. "I'm gonna change and pee. Can you help me down soon." She asked.

"Okay."

Derek went downstairs and grabbed the sandwich ingredients out of the fridge. He was glad she sleep well, super glad, and now he could only hope that she started eating more. In her absence, it was clear that she wasn't fed very well and she had lost a very noticeable amount of weight.

He quickly whipped up a sandwich for her, just the way she liked it and poured some Doritos on her plate.

Derek then went back upstairs and found Meredith quietly waiting for him on the edge of the bed. "Ready?" He asked with a soft smile.

"Yeah." She replied, opening her arms out. He carefully and gently lifted her off the bed and began going downstairs. Since her crutches were already downstairs, he didn't have to worry about that.

Derek carried her downstairs and helped her to the counter. She climbed up onto the chair as he put the plate of food in front of her.

"Thank you." She said softly, looking at him with a grin. "You're welcome." He replied. Meredith continued looking at him, confusing Derek. What was she waiting for?

Then it dawned on him.

"You can eat, Mer. You don't need to ask for my permission." Derek said with a soft tone. "Okay." She replied, digging in to the sandwich.

It broke dereks heart every time she waited for permission for him or every time she flinched. The mental beating she had taken was actually probably far worse than the physical beating. It sure would take longer to heal.

Meredith ate her sandwich, and moved her plate away. She still had all the chips on her plate. "No chips? I can make you something else." He offered.

"I'm good. Thank you though." She replied. At that place, she learned not to be too greedy. If she was, there would be consequences.

"Okay. I'm proud of you." He said, kissing her forehead. Meredith smiled and grabbed his hand. "Thank you."

Hey guys! Thank you all for reading and I hope you enjoy. School started and I'm very busy with that in sports, so updates are going to be very slow for the next week or two while I settle in. Thank you all for understanding.