Yeah, so, I decided to make a book all about BDSM and different kinks. This is for beginners, who don't know much about the lifestyle, differences and all included kinks.
People who are well informed are always welcome to correct me if I was wrong...
This has been a topic, that often comes up when the word BDSM comes up during a chat, or whatever.
This is not a chapter about kinks, but about the difference between FSOG and BDSM:
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We know now what BDSM means. It's a life style, a dynamic and relationship between 2 or more people, that is often described as "kinky", when it's so much more. But we also know that consent, safewordand communication plays a big role here.
In Fifty Shades Of Grey, all these important things are ignored and not only that, but they're also seen as unimportant there.
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For those who don't know what FSOG is:
Fifty shades of grey is a book series, also a movie, which is an erotic romance novel, written by E. L. James.
It is about a young woman - Anastasia - who meets a mysterious man - Christian - and slowly falls in love with him. What she doesn't know, is that the man has many personalities. One second he's a 'gentleman', next he's a sex crazed BDSM 'master' .
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Healthy BDSM relationships incorporate discussions of both partners’ limits, or the sexual activities they are willing to do or not willing to do.
For example, discussing soft limits (what you're okay with) and hard limits (what you're not okay with, what you maybe want to try later) and safewords.
And the most important things are communication, consent and trust.
The relationship between Anastasia and Christian lack all of these.
FSOG ignores how crucial it is to have healthy communication and most importantly, consent by both parties. Grey’s need for control over Ana goes beyond what is healthy or acceptable in a D/S (Dom/Sub) relationship, blurring the line between kink and abuse, most importantly because Ana is not into it.
At no point in the series does she begin to share his interest for kinks, but Grey still tries his damn hardest to coerce her into it through bullying, manipulation, stalking, and punishment.
It’s also important to note that Ana is a virgin at the beginning of this series, and Grey repeatedly uses her inexperience, as well as her physical attraction to him to manipulate her into believing that her fear is an overreaction and that she should just let him do whatever he pleases.
Ana’s interest is not in BDSM, but in Grey himself. In the series, Grey refuses to accept Ana’s limits, he didn't even ask her about them in the first place.
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This is why I said BDSM is not just a kink or kinky
People died because they were not educated enough about a certain kink (erotic asphyxiation for example, choking is a form of it)
If you're interested in BDSM, educate yourself Is your partner or you both interested in it, educate yourselves.
And I don't mean looking in a dictionary or research a bit, because you often find shit that basically describes abuse.
Things like these, are the reason why BDSM often has a bad reputation. They immediately think of whips, torture and pain.
It's okay for beginners to think that, can't really blame them. But as soon as you want to participate and/or join a relationship like this, stop.
If you see a person who asks "What is BDSM ?" Do not say "Something like fifty shades of grey" because you say that BDSM is abuse, when it'snot.
I hope this chapter made some things clear and helped a bit.
