No, this was so wrong, he does not like lillies. He loves sunflowers. He should not be here, all alone, surrounded by those cold flowers, when he had always longed for the warmth of the 'happy flowers' making him smile.
Deep desperation penetrated...
"How long are you going to stare at that picture?"
Did she really have to sneak in on him all the time? What ever happened to boundaries? Oh, that's right, she never had been able to observe them. Seemed to be a pattern with the women in his life.
"Grace, do you mind? How about you not sneak up on me and invade my privacy."
"I'm not. I'm doing my job, making sure you don't neglect yourself into a coma."
"Correct me if I'm wrong, but you're the kids' nanny, not mine."
"Well, if you showed any evidence that you could take care of yourself I'd back of."
"I'm an adult. And bothering me is not in your job description. You act like a pesty wife. Which you are not. If I needed a wife, I'd get one."
"Except, you're stuck on insanity and keep casting the same misfit. How about you stop torturing yourself?"
How about you jump off a tall building.
The ugly and unkind thought brought to mind just how deep his anger ran. And how twisted and dark his brain had been programmed to be. Good job demons- they had not been able to defeat him, but the subversion had worked anyway. He was one of them.
Of course, he realized the main reason he was upset at Grace was that she was absolutely right. Somehow, he was stuck in some kind of cycle of self-injury and denial, and Lisa was his weapon and false hope. Only she was capable of inducing that uppermost, euphoric, blinding high followed, as usual, by a quick dip into the deepest circle of hell.
So, who's to blame, Mike? Is it really Lisa's fault you never can reject that trip into heaven and the predictable descent to dance with Satan?
And yet, while being well aware he was the creator of his own misery he had spent the past hours staring at the image of her and Riff Raff in a tight embrace. And, no, this was not some grainy picture taken with a lens as big as a cannon... No, she did not even have the decency to hide her betrayal. According to Julia, this little tete-a-tete had taken place in the waiting room of Tom's office in L.A. Classy and nonchalant as always. Lisa didn't sneak around. She believed in publicity, despite her claims to hate her fame. Why, though, dally in plain sight of Julia?
Julia. Another conundrum. What exactly were her motives? Despite her innocent and classy claims to be perfectly accepting of how everything that had gone down, he was not the idealistic, wide-eyes idiot of the past. Back then, he whole-heartedly had believed in the inherent good in people who told bold faced lies to his face, grinning, and jabbering about their love and devotion for him. Now, sadly, he expected betrayal and scams. Lisa being the obvious exception to that rule. She, once again, had snuck under the protective cloak. Why, oh why, had he not just stuck to his guns and kept her the hell away? He could have indulged in her body and still put her outside with the trash in the morning. Once again the thought that his brothers and his father got it right made his skin crawl. He was willing to bet a fortune they were not plagued by thoughts and doubts- those only come when you are willing to offer your heart in love and hope.
His first thought when Julia had sent the picture was that she was full of shit and probably wanted to get back at him for going after Lisa again. However, that thought was followed by a tsunami of flashbacks: Lisa having the room set for a special night with Lockwood.
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