The Difference

Chapter 26

The world at his feet. Sparkling and surprisingly cool here high above the heat of the desert.  The lights of the city far beneath him almost reminded him of the kaleidoscope of light decorating soft billows of snow during a sunny day.  A chill grabbed him and ripped him from the vice of numbness.  Of course, the dark of night had a habit of covering the sweltering heat of the day with a cooling thermal blanket.  Nature prepared to grant a brand new awakening to all creatures.  Everyone got a new start.  Everyone deserved a break from heated tension.  Almost everyone.  Some creatures under this startlingly full moon were exempt.

Some things were beyond redemption.

Some things could not be forgiven. 

Some words could not be atoned for.

“…you little, faithless, murdering whore.”

His hands clamped over his ears in vain.  The voice- his voice- rang out over and over in the echo of his mind like a huge bell in an ancient tower.

Suddenly another voice manifested in the twisted ganglions of his brain, adding to the horror.  One that at any other time was a soothing balm to his wounds.  His mother’s voice competed with and finally trumped his erratic babbling.  The formerly comforting tone succeeded in ripping open his skin, pouring acid down to his very soul.  The truth was a powerful poison.

”You must be so frantic. Well, I went to see Lisa today. She is recovering nicely from her surgery.”

“You went to see her? Why?”

“Why? What an odd question.  Because I love her- she’s family. And not only did she almost drown in her pool, she could have bled to death from that ruptured cyst.”

“The what?”

“Michael- are you feeling well? You sound like you just got up or something. I’m sure you know she had surgery after a ruptured cyst.  She looked so down still. Poor kid is probably worried not having heard about the biopsy results yet.  I almost didn’t recognize her: So small and pale in that bed of hers. That girl cannot afford to lose any more weight, I tell y’a.  She barely smiled when I saw her… It seemed like something grave was on her mind…that poor child- she’s been through so much…”

His mother had talked on, but he had barely been able to listen through the drum line of his heartbeat.  No, mother had to be mistaken. Lisa obviously had lied to her. What was she supposed to say? “Katherine, I killed your grandchild,’ might have been in slightly bad taste. 

Still, the doubts remained.

The thought of contacting other sources stayed locked in his head for several days, held prisoner by the medication he took to maintain the blue curtain of artificial calm.  The small voice warning him that he was relinquishing control again was silenced with justifications that he had been under too much stress much too soon after escaping the nightmare of the past two years.  His system was worn out- the fabric of his endurance, once strong and indestructible, was now frail and thin.  Anything, the slightest assault, a glance triggering certain thought or feelings, could inflict unbelievable torture.  At least that was how the shrink he had seen had explained it. It kind of made sense. And hearing how Lisa had chosen to betray him was anything but a small injury.

It was an amputation without anesthesia.

Unless it was all a lie. 

If only his thoughts were not jumbled.  No, not jumbled. They were subdued.  They reminded him of lightening bugs- a sparkle, then gone.  The energy to follow any one idea or hunch had been zapped. His nervous system had been short-circuited and put into some kind of coma.