The Difference

Chapter 21

The perfect metronome for the rhythm of her heart.  Closing her eyes, she smiled as the beating inside her own chest adjusted to Michael’s guiding pace.  So in tune…why in the world did she long to escape only hours ago?  Running and hiding were such treacherous solutions- tempting at times, but ultimately impossible.  And if she succeeded and her camouflage successfully allowed her to blend into the miserable bleak landscape of her life devoid of his light, then what?  Sure, she’d be safe from being devoured by her only natural predator, but where did that leave her? Alone and victim to her own desolate thoughts, that's where.

Well, it seemed she did not have to worry about it.  He had picked up the scent and pursued his prey.  Something had finally jarred him out of his frozen stance.  It did not matter if her words or actions had unearthed the fragile relict of his caring- all that counted was that he was here.  And that he had spoken the words that had revived her existence with color and depth: tender spring after deadly winter. 

He loved her.

He was here.

He had not let her run away.

How in the world had she been this lucky?

Why did her life always have to blow apart in a glorious display of fire and sparks before she could notice the tender sapling breaking through the layers of ashes?

Only hours ago, she had been done with him.  No more bashing her head against this particular wall.  She called Alecia after the fear of going home to an empty house had almost immobilized her.  This desperation was eerily familiar.  How many times had she been down this road before?  Filled with rage, sadness, desperation- and all those raging emotions usually turned against the most obvious enemy: herself.  Years of therapy and self-discipline had increased her ability to cope if not her resilience.  The pain was too intense.  Once again she had committed the unforgivable sin and had allowed herself to harbor destructively high hopes.  And once again she felt like somehow she had been flung off a high building.  If nothing else, she had learned to reach out and aim for the safety net somewhere beneath her.  Knowing she would not be alone had somehow made a difference.

Arriving at the house, she immediately attempted to drown her pain in the well-known bottle.  that would do until Alecia arrived.  Of course, she only knew too well that the vodka was nothing more than glorified formaldehyde- preserving her stupidity and her guilt.

Alecia finally arrived- letting herself in with the key hidden outside.  Calmly, she took one look at Lisa and reached for her glass, which Lisa pulled away.  Alecia just rolled her eyes, shrugged, poured herself a drink, and sat down, listening patiently to Lisa's incoherent ranting and raving about events of this night.  When Lisa finally shut up to blow her nose, Lish took the chance to jump in.

“You do know why he was there with the chick, right?”

Lisa had looked up through almost blind eyes. Was she not listening?

“To fuck her, why else?  To get a good laugh at me while he nailed her against the same wall…”

“Can you stop shooting the damn stuff, Lise?  Let's preserve whatever brain cells are left. You make no sense.   You took Lockwood there, right?  Did you plan to fuck him against some wall?  By the way, what’s up with that?  Are you going for some kind of high-post award?”

“Michael doesn't like beds- too soft and…and…what the fuck?  Does it matter Lish?  But no, of course I had no plan of doing Lockwood."

The comment had caught her off guard and she actually put her glass down.

What an odd question for her friend to ask.  And why did she act so unsupportive?  Had she not just laid out that she was breaking up with Lockwood and went to the Ivy to stay strong and keep the course?