When love leads to betrayal...

Not a Reality

That look on her face, it was unreadable to me. I have always been able to read her facial expressions and her eyes as easy as my favorite book, but right now I just don't know. Will she hear me out? Will she give me another chance? What will I do if she won't? Will she let me go forever? Can I live with that if she does? I may not have the answers to most of these questions but the last one was a definite NO! I CAN NOT LIVE WITHOUT HER!

Eda knows deep down in her heart what she wants to do, wants to say but knows she can't say it. She questions if she could sustain another heartbreak from Serkan, and she knows that she can't, it will be the end of her. Eda is at a crossroads about what decision will make her happy and what will keep the last shred of sanity she has. She loves him there is no doubt, but he has heart her more times than she can count. Eda wonders if love is supposed to hurt this much. She is just standing there looking at Serkan but not really looking at him at all. She is lost to her own thoughts.  She stays that way, staring at him, him staring at her both without words and desperate to know what the other is thinking. Who will make the first move to speak? Which way will this go? Will they reconcile or has there been to much damage to their love to repair it?

Eda closes her eyes, takes a deep breath, making her decision of what to do and hoping and praying it's the right one. Opening her eyes, she looks directly into Serkan's and takes the first step...
back into the house...

Serkan's hope dies on the spot, what is he supposed to do? Follow her? Beat on her door until she opens it up? Yell through the door at her to hear him out?

He is ready and willing to do every one of those things when she suddenly stops and turns towards him and hugs him, inhaling his scent, because this would be the last time.

Eda pulls away, drops her head and says " I love you Serkan, I have since we made eye contact at the university. I loved you through it all, hurt, jealousy and lies. I will always love you. But loving you has hurt me more times than I can count. Is love supposed to hurt, break your heart and destroy your soul? I don't think it is and if it does is it really love? Is it worth it? I have had to pick up the pieces of my shattered heart more times than I ever wanted. It's too hard to bear any longer, you call me strong but I no longer have the strength to pick them up so they just lay there getting stepped on or blown away by the wind."

"I ran with the pieces that were left, hoping to salvage some kind of life. It wouldn't be the one I wanted but maybe what I deserved. Happiness is never fully within my grasp, I have seen it and fleetingly felt it but it's always taken away from me. So maybe I am meant to be alone, no love but maybe just casual friends with men. I mean if we think about it maybe that's all we were to each other. We said words as a way to commit to one another but the act never came to be. Do you ever think maybe it wasn't supposed to? Then you were in a plane crash and totally forgot me, was that how we were meant to be, me with memories and you without them. In all of this mess of our "fake to real relationship" you could never let Selin go. Yes you sent her away but we both know it wasn't for forever and you still thought about her. You could and would never cut her from your life, so think about it Serkan if you can't let someone go no matter what they do, that seems to me what love is supposed to be. I think that you were confused about your feelings because you never acknowledged them before and when Selin was going to get married you panicked not because of the company but because she would not be yours any longer. So you reacted and I just happened to be there at that time. You mesmerized me and I agreed to that contract to be close to you. There was always an attraction I know but there were times I felt a connection and I held on to that. But come what may, no matter the evidence or proof of Selin's wicked ways and her hatred of me and obsession of you, you didn't want to see it. But now that I think about it I know that you couldn't see it because as they say LOVE IS BLIND! You were blind to Selin's ways but attacked me and sent me away for things I didn't even do. You humiliated me as your "fake" fiance when you defended her in front of everyone. "
"Serkan, I don't think you knew what to do or how to behave so you made a deal like you always do, we were a transaction, meant to be temporary and then move on. We were never a REALITY After all this time, it has become clear to me. Serkan we weren't meant to be, the love you thought you felt for me wasn't real, I distracted you for a time. We got close had some moments that I will treasure all my life but it was not real.  You forgot me in a flash and would listen to no one about us and our story. If it was that easy for you to forget, call Selin to your rescue, and return with the intent to destroy me and get me out of your life then I you have to admit to yourself what I have, it wasn't true wasn't real love, at least on your end.  I know I love you but sometimes, this being one of them, love isn't enough. Too much heartache, pain, intentional hurt and devastation have ended that love. I wish you well and I want you to be happy, you deserve it Serkan but I do as well in whatever form it comes and (Eda closes her eyes, tears roll down her cheeks) my happiness is not with you."

Eda turns to walk away, letting the tears fall with reckless abandon. She didn't even want to stop them, she wanted to let the pain wash over her and cleanse her. Serkan also has a limitless amount of tears falling from his eyes. He blurrily sees her turn to leave, he knows if he lets her go that he will never see her again. So Serkan wipes his eyes reaches for Eda, grabbing both of her forearms and pulls her to him. He wraps his arms around her, tightly presses his forehead to hers. He quietly tells her "it was real Eda, it IS REAL, I loved you from the very moment I first heard your voice and I have NEVER stopped. I want us to be REAL together. " Serkan let's one arm go and guides Eda by the shoulder into her house, determined to talk and let it all out. He has got to make her understand that what she believes to be real about his feelings for Selin were completely wrong and untrue. He has to make her see that he now knows that he disregarded her feelings and opinions when it came to Selin and that in doing so made her doubt him and his love. He has never felt for Selin, even in the beginning, what he felt for Eda even when he just heard her voice. He can't bear her thinking that he never loved her. He has to get her to understand how " fucked up his way of thinking was before her and before she breathed life into his robot body, how she made him see color and gave him hope for a real life and future. SHE did that not Selin not anyone else ever." He will set the record straight even if it takes him forever. He will regain her trust and earn her love and hopefully forgiveness for what he has caused her. HE WILL BE WITH EDA FOR THE REST OF HIS LIFE, HE HAS NO LIFE WITHOUT HER.. 

He just has to find a way to make her see that.....