Swallow

Chapter 1.37:

"Hey, Mom," I answered the phone the third time she called me.

"Ezra, why haven't you haven't called me or answered any of my messages?" She skipped all the pleasantries to scold me.

"You know I hate talking on the phone," I said, tucking it between my shoulder and ear so I could continue plucking a few guitar strings.

I was warming my fingers up before band practice while I waited for the guys to all get home.  My hands felt stiffer than normal today. They were like cold clay, inflexible and unforgiving.

"I have been calling you non-stop for two days."

"I know. I'm sorry." I apologized.

"How's Ohio? I heard it has been hot." She asked.

Mom wasn't really asking me how the state was or if the weather was nice. She called to find out if I had been staying clean and out of trouble.  The question was hidden in the subtext of the words. She habitually danced around my problems in conversation like she was afraid she would set me off. It made it a lot easier to avoid supplying her with the details of my life because I could pretend I didn't understand what she was trying to do.

I would like to think she did it because of how my dad treated her and his reaction whenever she tried to help him. But, unfortunately, I knew it was because of who I was and had nothing to do with him. It didn't take much to get me angry and I would shut her down the second she offered to get me help.

Either I did something myself or it didn't happen at all. I didn't need my mom or some know-it-all doctor telling me how to behave.

"Everything is fine," I grumbled into the phone at her.

For the last few days, I was in a bad mood over what happened with Riley, but I had stayed strong enough to avoid getting into the stash of pills in my room.

It had been extremely difficult to not give in. I had only resorted to drinking twice to take the edge off.

"Is there something wrong?" She probed.

There was no way I was going to talk to my mom about the situation with Riley. She would start asking too many questions that I didn't have answers for. She would get excited for no reason and want to meet her.

I wasn't even sure how Riley would act around me the next time I saw her.  She made it pretty clear that she wasn't interested in keeping our little fling going any longer.

"Nothing's wrong." I bit the side of my cheek hard as my frustration started spinning in my head. 

"Ezra, you sound a little...off." She paused like she was afraid to say it. 

"I'm fine. I promise. Stop worrying." I huffed in annoyance.

"I'm your Mom. I'm supposed to worry about you. Plus, I miss you. So does Mandy and your Uncle Charlie. They ask about you all the time. I don't even know what to tell them." She rattled on.  I could hear her running water in the background.  She was probably making something in the kitchen.  She was always in the kitchen baking when she didn't know what to do with herself.

My stomach started growling.  I was hungry for something real and not purchased through a drive-thru window.  Dinner at the Davis house wasn't until tomorrow and I was craving two things like a starved man—a homecooked meal and the taste of Riley's skin on my tongue.

One of them was on the menu. The other was far out of my reach.

"Ezra! Mark's back. Band practice." JD hollered from somewhere downstairs.