Swallow

Chapter 1.59:

The days without seeing Riley went by in a blurred mash. There was no beginning or end to them; they just were a long, continuous whirlwind of frustration and longing.

Work dragged by torturously slow during the afternoons, which didn't help. The customers were rude and the employees I had to work with this week were all pretentious pricks who knew nothing about music. They would quote inaccurate facts they found on the internet about bands like they were canon. Listening to extraordinarily stupid people commenting about music like they knew what they were talking about was excruciating.

I hated my job. I wanted to walk out and never look back.

There was no relief when I got home, either. The house was a revolving door of people and was always too noisy. Between tone-deaf band practices, the constant bickering between the guys over the most trivial bullshit, and Anna's yapping, I found myself drinking every chance I could to drown it all out.

The nights were the worst.

Every second that would tick by would stall and move backwards. Time refused to move forward in a logical progression. I would lay down in my bed when I had enough of the people around me. Listening to the clicking and clacking of the muted house noises made me feel restless and isolated. No matter how many people surrounded me or what I tried, I felt empty inside.

I was so fucking lonely without her.

The only time I ever felt any relief was when Riley would send me little messages randomly. Sometimes it would just be something as simple as a "Hi!" or a "What are you doing?" text. One time she even sent me an unprompted winking emoji with its tongue hanging out.

I found myself chewing up the edges of all my guitar picks while holding my phone in my hand for hours, waiting to see if she would send me another one. My stomach would twist and knot itself up like I hadn't eaten in days. The pain was so bad that I could barely pull myself up to stand.

I felt like I was going through withdrawal from her and it was agonizing. There was a difference between a detox pushed on you and one born out of sheer willpower. The forced ones were always debilitating because they were never your choice. How could a person persevere through so much suffering when they never wanted to let go in the first place?

I had done both kinds before, but this time was threatening to break me.

I had been able to limp myself through all of my pain until about an hour ago, when it all came crashing down around me.

Riley went silent and disappeared on me.

It had been almost three hours since I sent her the last text and she hadn't responded with anything, not even one of those stupid yellow smiling faces. I knew my phone was working because I had been dodging Mia's messages most of the night. She kept trying to invite herself over to the house, and I hoped she would go away if I ignored her long enough.

I had far bigger things to worry about than Mia.

Something was wrong with Riley and I knew it. I could feel it inside every cell in my body. I began typing her a new message to make sure she was alright. I had no idea what she was doing to keep her from messaging back.

Me: Where are you? Why haven't you texted me back yet?

I was spinning a marbled pick around in my mouth and typing my desperate message to her when I heard a female clear her throat at my bedroom door. I raised my eyes to check out the noise and found Brynn watching me from just inside my door with an open liquor bottle in her hand.

She was twirling her foot in a point as she danced in the doorway. She had on another one of her trademark attention-seeking outfits. This one was a black and red one-piece with most of the cloth missing. Her hair was in a sleek, high ponytail on top of her head and she was wearing way too much makeup.