Synopsis:
Ideals clashing and the two learn to understand.
XXX
"You, why are you so fixated on dying?" Chuuya looked at his partner's eyes in hopes to find an answer, but his eyes devoid of any light. It's as if you are staring into the abyss, dark and cold. Looking at it, it's almost as if all his emotions were sealed up, leaving behind a shell with various farce and facade to deceive people. Truthfully, it scares him sometimes because he's not an exception, although a part of him want to believe he at least pull a few of his strings in their banters. But then again, he's never sure if the boy purposely give him that satisfaction.
Dazai was playing with his gun. Disassemble and assembling the components, inserting the bullets one by one in an attempt to stall time until they can go home for the day. It's almost 6 pm. They still have time to spare.
An amused grin plastered on Dazai's face, is it mocking him or perhaps it's...amusement? For a second, Chuuya thought he saw a flicker of light in the midst of his eye as he proceed to stare at him. Did he somehow anticipate that he will ask him today? Or he's been waiting for him to ask? Dazai's smile widened and Chuuya flinched.
"Then let me ask, what is death to you?"
Chuuya blinked in confusion."What?"
"Many people believe that death is the opposite of life. They believe the concept of death supposed to be a taboo topic and not worth to be mentioned. I disagree on that. I believe death is a part of life. By experiencing death, you're experiencing life." Dazai looked at his partner, partly studying his reaction with mild interest. He shrugged. An innocent smile plastered on his face. "So why does it matter anyway? We'll die eventually. Is it wrong to want to end it earlier?"
"What are you saying?" Chuuya was almost taken aback by that line of thought. It's not normal. It's crazy to think about it, but this guy's clearly fascinated by it. His smile pissed him off. He doesn't understand. How can he casually act and think like that? Why? Why is he like this? What happened for him to be like this? He want to ask, demand answers but the words stuck in his throat, restricting him as the flow of rage flowing his vein. Why?
For someone like him, a perfectly normal person ended up being a mess. He doesn't understand. Despite the burning desire to enquire, he clenches his fist, gritting his teeth in disdain. "Don't fuck with me. Do you think death is some kind of vacation? Where you go somewhere and came back as you please? It's a one way ticket."
Expecting the answer, Dazai just merely glanced away from him. He knew that. It's common sense after all. That death has no turning back. He's been hearing it a lot from those worthless adults who thinks the world revolves around them, those who assume they can understand him and those who merely said just because it's the right thing to do. He scoffed, to hell with that.
He looked back at the redhead. He wanna know, how far can he see, how similar can they be or how different they can be or worst, he may be the same as those pretentious adults."Then, do you think there's any meaning to this life? Do you think it's worth to struggle just to live for another day? How long will you endure? How long will you suffer? Isn't it better to just end it and-" he didn't managed to finish his sentence when the redhead pulled into his collar in a fit of rage.
"You..." Chuuya raised his fist and was about to punch him but his hand stopped midway. His hair covered his eyes so Dazai can't see his expression but the strong grip of his collar indicates his raging emotions now at his limit.
"You don't understand anything."
"How so?" Dazai's eyes stared at him. Chuuya jerked his head upwards, revealing his blue eyes that is far too lively for Dazai, far too different from his never ending abyss of hollow gaze. He's looking deep into him. Looking far too deep into him. It's almost nauseating. He hate those eyes and shifted uncomfortably seeing it.
