𝕀𝕟 𝕋𝕙𝕖 𝕂𝕚𝕟𝕘'𝕤 𝕊𝕙𝕒𝕕𝕠𝕨 Tsukishima x Male Reader

Part 1: Kitagawa Daiichi

⚠!Warning! ⚠There is a lot of angst, anxiety/panic attacks, depression, mention of suicide, self harm, and abuse in this story, so if any of these things trigger you or make you uncomfortable then please do not read.

Y/N Kageyama, nobody knows who that is, do they? People only have ever known me as Tobio Kageyama's weird twin brother. I was also known as Kitagawa Daiichi's official benchwarmer. I played the same position as my brother, I was a setter. I had barely ever gotten to play in an official game. Honestly I can't even remember if I've ever actually played in an official game, it's been so long since I have. Even before Tobio was the amazing setter that he is now, I didn't get to play because of our team captain, Tooru Oikawa. Of course, now Oikawa is off at Aoba Johsai and he's busy being the setter of that team, while I'm stuck here at Kitagawa Daiichi for now. At least Oikawa was nice to me while he was here, unlike Tobio. 

Tobio has never been nice to me for as long as I can remember, he's never liked me and he's always looked down on me. I've always just been his brother, the one who he never acknowledged, and that one random kid on the bench. At this point I don't even like playing volleyball anymore, I only play because my parents make me. All of my motivation for playing and getting better at volleyball has vanished, all because I've always been so much worse than my brother. Even though I was smarter than Tobio, my parents have never cared, they gave him all the praise and attention in the world, while I was left with nothing. 

I sighed, why was I even thinking of all these things right now? There was a match currently going on right in front of my eyes, even though it had just started some important things seemed to have already happened. And by important things I mean Kitagawa Daiichi was destroying whatever other team we were up against. There were barely even enough players to make up a team, and all of them had green jerseys on. 

I looked over to the other team and noticed one of them stood out more than all of the others. He had bright orange hair, and when I said bright orange I mean he literally looked like he was a tangerine. After a little while of watching their team play I went back to zoning out on the bench, I had a tendency to zone out very often. By the time where I was able to refocus on the game, the one orange haired kid pulled a stunt which I didn't think he would be able to do. He ran as fast as he could after a kid messed up a set, he jumped higher than I thought he could, and he spiked the ball down over the net. 

My eyes widened in shock at that stunt that the ginger had just pulled. He then crashed down to the side. I looked over to the referee and he ruled that the ball had went out of bounds. I sighed, I knew that our team would win but I was disappointed that I didn't get to see the tangerine-head play longer. Now I was just gonna spend the rest of the tournament waiting for the game to finally be over, or who knows maybe something interesting would actually happen at this game. No matter what, I did know that I wouldn't get to play during this tournament at all. I mean I was honestly the worst player on the team, and I had barely ever gotten to play with the team so it's not like I knew how the rest of the team even worked. 

The rest of the tournament went by perfectly fine, until we got to the finals. Apparently I was right in thinking that something interesting might happen during the game, because some truly interesting did take place in the final match. The one and only Tobio Kageyama got benched, and I got swapped in to play as the team's setter. At the moment that the coach told me this, I felt the cold sweat begin to form on the back of my neck. So many people are gonna be staring at me, specifically my parents, if I mess this up then I'll be shamed forever by everyone. What am I gonna do... I then got quickly snapped out of my thoughts by the coach telling me that I needed to go and swap with Tobio.

As I walked past Tobio I felt his cold and dark aura send me a very rude message. It was almost as though he was trying to say, 'don't you dare mess this up, or you'll just prove how worthless you really are.' Or at least that's how I took the message. As I stepped onto the court and went into position I felt like everyone was staring directly at me, and my anxiety went through the roof. All of my thoughts were spiraling around and I couldn't focus on anything, all I knew is that I felt like I needed to get out of here as soon as possible. Once the referee blew the whistle I locked my eyes onto the volleyball on the other side of the court.  I just... need to focus on the volleyball and the game... I can do that... right? I felt my breathing begin to quicken as the volleyball then flew over to my side of the court. 

Somebody in the back received the ball, and sent it right to me to set it. All of my thoughts were still swirling around in my head and I couldn't even think clearly. I placed my hands above my head and got ready to set the ball to someone. As I raised my hands I felt myself begin to shake, and everything around me just seemed so overwhelming. Once the ball landed into my hands I set it to the best of my abilities right in front of me, and I saw as the ball was set perfectly for somebody to be able to easily hit it. It wasn't too fast or too slow, it was just right.

I looked over and expected to see one of my team members going to hit the ball, but no one was there... 

None of them even tried to go up and hit the ball over the net, and so it just dropped to the floor. They were doing the same thing to me that they had just done to my brother, they were deliberately not trying to hit my sets. I felt my breathing hitch, before it came back and began going to an even quicker pace than before. This kept on happening over and over again until we lost the match.

We lost the final match and it was all my fault...

Once they announced that the other team had won I felt Tobio's glare towards me only become more intense, and I couldn't help but feel scared, genuinely scared of my own twin brother. The shaking started again, as I went to go and grab all of my stuff. My breathing was fast, too fast, I was hyperventilating, and I couldn't get myself to stop shaking. I was scared, and it felt like I was about to die, and honestly at that moment I wished that I just could drop dead. Tobio and I walked to our parents in silence, neither of them said a word, we then walked out to the car and they drove us home. 

All of my thoughts just wouldn't stop spiraling and I couldn't get them to stop. I was scared. Scared of my own brother, my parents, everything around me, and all of the things in my head. And it went on like this and it just wouldn't stop throughout the rest of the day, I couldn't even get myself to leave my room once I got home. I was hiding in the corner of my room curled up, shaking. I kept on panicking until the tears started coming. They ran down my cheeks and they just wouldn't stop. I couldn't help but just wish that I was dead throughout the entire time, after all anything would have been better than that, right? There was no reason for me to even be alive, right? Everyone would be happy without me, right?

Word count: 1389