𝕀𝕟 𝕋𝕙𝕖 𝕂𝕚𝕟𝕘'𝕤 𝕊𝕙𝕒𝕕𝕠𝕨 Tsukishima x Male Reader

Part 14: Pity

I was shaking. I was crying. I couldn't do anything right, could I? I didn't want to go home, not now, not ever. Tobio pitied me, just for a little while. The only time where he ever has felt bad for what he's done to me is when he was pitying me. If that's how he felt, maybe that's how everyone felt. Maybe everyone pitied me, and that was the only reason as to why they would spend time with me or talk to me. 

It wasn't like I was a person who anyone would genuinely like, I was awkward and annoying. I couldn't hold a conversation with another person, so why would anyone want to talk to me? Because they felt bad for me, because they felt like they had to pity me. That could be the only possible answer. 

I just couldn't take it, everything I ever did messed up something for me, or for someone else. All I did was cause problems for everyone. Why would anyone even spend time around me? Even when someone's trying to be nice, all I can do is be ungrateful. Tobio was trying to be nice to me for once, but I didn't accept it just because he messed up a little in the past. 

Why didn't I just accept the small bit of kindness that he was willing to offer me? Am I still angry about what he's done? Why am I still angry about the past? Why can I never stop thinking about the past? Why can I never just move along with my life? Why do I always think about what people have said to me in the past? Why why why why why why why why why why why why? 

Why do people only ever feel pity towards me?

"Y/N?" My face was buried into my arms, so I couldn't tell who was talking to me, but their voice was extremely familiar. "Y/N, are you alright?" 

I looked up and saw Tsukishima right in front of me. The tears only began to come faster. How could I let Tsukishima see me like this? I felt so pathetic, so disgusting, so... selfish. 

How could I act like this? Why am I continuing to act like this? Am I just doing this for the attention from others? What if all of this is just fake, and I'm just faking all of my emotions for the attention? 

"Y/N... Please, tell me what's wrong." Tsukishima's hand moved to my face, and he cupped my cheek in his hand, beginning to wipe away the tears. He looked sad and concerned, but it didn't look like pity. 

"I-I-" I couldn't speak. My voice was caught inside of my throat. Even if I could speak, what was I supposed to say? 

Tsukishima stood up and offered me his hand, I took it. He helped me to stand up, then he held me to his chest. At first I was tense, but I quickly relaxed into his arms. We stood there, in silence, but it was a comfortable silence. I was clinging onto his shirt while I cried, and Tsukishima's arms were holding me while he ran his fingers through my hair. 

"I- I'm sorry." I spoke softly, but Tsukishima was able to hear me. 

"What are you sorry for? There's no need for you to be sorry, you didn't do anything wrong." Tsukishima's voice was gentle, it was almost as if he thought that speaking any louder would break me. 

"I- I'm bothering you, aren't I..." I felt like I was being nothing but a burden to him. Tsukishima was taking his time to comfort me, he could have been doing something better with his time, but instead he's wasting it on me.

"No, not at all, Y/N." Tsukishima pulled away from me slightly, and lifted my chin so that I was looking up at him. "Y/N, please, who did this to you?" 

Who did this to me? Well it would have to be me, right? I'm the one who always causes problems for others, that's what they all say, right? But... who really does make me feel like this? It's...

"Tobio... and the rest of my family." I felt the tears only start to come even faster. It was my family who always made me feel this terrible, but I was what made them do that, right? Whenever they made me feel so horrible, I had always done something which caused them to. 

"...what?" Tsukishima seemed shocked and upset, maybe even a little bit angry. 

"b-but it's my f-fault, whenever they do something to me it's always my fault. They only ever d-do bad things to me when I make them angry." I was trying to stop Tsukishima from getting angry, but it didn't seem to work. Tsukishima only seemed to get sadder, he looked so concerned. But was it really concern, or was it pity?

"Y/N, it's not your fault that they're such horrible people." 

I-it's not my fault? They always say that it's my fault, but is it really? Is everything really not my fault? 

"I-it's not? B-but they a-always say that i-it's my fault..." 

It seemed like those were the exact words I needed to hear. It's not your fault. 

"It's not, Y/N. They just don't want to take the blame for what they're doing, so they push it off onto you to make you feel worse." Tsukishima sighed. "Do you want to come spend the night at my house? It might be better for you to get away from your family for a little while." 

I nodded, I felt like if I were to say anything all that would come out was sobs. 

Tsukishima took my hand and we began walking to his house. I was clinging onto his arm the entire walk there, I was scared to let go of it. I was scared that if I let go of him I would somehow be dragged to my house. I was scared to go home. 

Once we got to his house, his mother was extremely nice to me, and she didn't seem to mind that I was going to stay over at their house for the night. By now, I had managed to calm myself down, I wasn't crying anymore. If anything, I was happy. 

Before the two of us went to sleep, Tsukishima and I spent a while talking. Tsukishima was a lot nicer and softer than he put off to others. Tsukishima always seemed rude and cold if you didn't know him, but talking with him now, I could really tell that he wasn't truly like that. 

Eventually, the two of us had to go to sleep, after all we did have school tomorrow. But for the first time ever, I was able to go to sleep with a smile on my face. 

Word count: 1147

A/N - Thank you so much to everyone reading! It makes me super happy to know that you all seem to be enjoying the story. Since all of you seemed to be enjoying the story so much, I decided to publish this chapter earlier than I usually would. Hope that you all enjoyed it! ( •̀ ω •́ )✧