Meet Me in Heaven's Stairway

Chapter 2

I mourned. I cried. I was in pain. I was all alone. And I am scared.

Losing someone you loved was very painful. It's like you can't function anymore. Your life is a mess whenever you lost someone who's very important to you.

And I was all alone now. I have no one to lean on. I have no one to talk to because I only have my mother before, but she's gone.

How cruel life is?

I questioned Him and I blamed Him for my misfortune in life. He's being unfair to me. Ni hindi ko man lang nayakap si mama. Ni hindi ko man lang nasabi na mahal ko siya, na nandito ako para sa kaniya, na hindi siya nag-iisa at poprotektahan ko siya hindi man kagaya ng pagpoprotekta niya sa'kin. Pero gagawin ko para sa kaniya.

Hindi nga lang ako binigyan ng Maykapal ng pagkakataon na magawa iyon dahil kunuha na niya kaagad si mama sa'kin.

Hindi ko alam kung paano magpapatuloy dahil 'yung kaisa-isahang  rason kung bakit gustong-gusto kong mabuhay ay wala na. Nahihirapan ako pero wala man lang akong mapagsabihan.

Nandito ako ngayon sa bench ng school. It had been a week before the burial of my mother but the pain was still fresh within me. Nahihirapan pa rin akong huminga.

I never talked to anyone sa bahay namin. I haven't seen my father too. Wala akong pakialam sa kaniya dahil galit ako. Galit na galit ako sa kaniya dahil hinayaan niya lang na gawin ni mama 'yun. Anong silbi niya bilang asawa kung gano'?

Wala siyang ginawa! Wala!

I controlled my sobs. Ayaw ko na may makarinig sa akin na umiiyak. None of these people knows my situation and I don't have any plans to share my burden to anyone.

I miss my mom. Walang araw or gabi na hindi ko iniiyakan ang pagkawala niya. I couldn't eat nor do things I usually do with her anymore. My stepsisters went silent too. Hindi na nila ako inaasar o ginugulo.

I was about to wipe my tears off when someone handed me a handkerchief. Tinignan ko kung sino 'yon at nagulantang ako nang makilala siya.

"Kunin mo na," Sabi niya sa'kin habang inaabot ang panyo. Color sky blue 'yon. Inabot ko ito at wala sa sariling napatingin sa langit.

The bluish sky is very enticing to looked at. Even the humming of the birds were beautifully synchronous in my ears. And also the trees, its color is green and I never thought I would be like this. That I would turn into appreciative.

I never questioned Him for creating such beautiful place to live in. I even felt so relieved for having the chance in living in this world. However I don't know what's my purpose in this world.

Simula pa noon, hanggang ngayon. Hindi ko pa rin alam o kaya'y kilala ang sarili ko.

"Mukhang malalim ang iniisip mo, ah? Ni hindi mo man lang pinunasan ang mga luha mo" Nagulat ako nang magsalita ulit siya kasi akala ko ay umalis na siya kaagad.

Napako ang mga mata ko sa panyo na hawak ko. Then I wiped my tears swiftly. Pero hindi natigil sa pag-agos ang mga luha ko.

"Damn, aren't you tired from falling?!?" I asked angrily.

I am being subjective here. I even got angry to my tears na walang kamuwang-muwang.

"Nasasaktan ka kasi," Bigla niyang sabi.

Napatingin ako sa kaniya. Seryosong nakatingin lang siya sa'kin. Iniwas ko ang mga mata ko dahil hindi ko kaya ang intesidad ng mga titig niya sa'kin.

Kinakabahan na naman ako. Parang sa isang iglap lang ay nawala ang mga agam-agam ko. At hindi ko alam kung paano nangyari 'yun.

"Why do..why do you even care?" I snapped.

Dala siguro ng sobrang kaba at iba pa'ng emosyon ay nasabi ko 'yun. I was about to apologize when he cut me off.

"Gusto mo pag-usapan?" Magsasalita sana ako pero nagpatuloy siya. "Para gumaan ang pakiramdam mo. Pero ayos lang din kung hindi mo gusto. Hindi naman kita pinipilit,"

I nodded. I was lost of words, okay? The way he speaks kasi ay sobrang smooth. Ang sarap din pakinggan ng boses niya. Deep voice.

Namayani ang katahimikan sa pagitan naming dalawa. Hapon na at alam ko malapit na mag-uwian kaya I spent my time here kasi ayaw ko pa na umuwi sa amin.

I averted my gaze to him. He looked so neat and clean wearing his uniform. Engineering pala siya. I saw his ID kasi.

"My mom died," I suddenly said. Natutop ko ang labi ko dahil do'n. It was slipped of the tounge.

I saw the shocked on his face. Sadness crossed his eyes too. I don't know pero sobrang dali niyang basahin. Napaka-carefree niya.

He was about to say something pero hindi niya masabi or hindi niya alam kung ano ang sasabihin niya.

I continued talking. "I  only have her. Not that we were just two in this world but I am really close to my mother. Kaya nasasabi ko na... na siya lang ang meron ako," My voice broke.

Naramdaman ko na nakatitig lang siya sa'kin. Naghihintay lang sa mga sasabihin ko kaya nagpatuloy ako sa pagsasalita.

"It's... It's so hard. I missed my mom each passing day. Nahihirapan...pa rin akong huminga...tuwing naiisip ko siya...na wala na talaga siya..." Hindi ko napigilan ang paghikbi ko.

Kahit ngayon lang. Gusto kong mailabas ang sakit sa dibdib ko. Kahit hindi na lahat basta lang mabawasan ang bigat na nararamdaman ko.

"I regretted not being able to be with her... through her painful days. I regretted being so lost that I forgot my mother's existence. Nagsisisi akong mas iniisip ko ang sarili ko kaysa sa isipin ang nararamdaman ni mama," I bit my lower lip because I felt the urge to scream. Just to let go of this pain in my heart.

Umiyak lang ako pagkatapos at hindi na nagsalita muli. Hinayaan niya lang ako at hindi na din siya nagsalita.

We were silent but there's no awkwardness. The warmth of silence gave us tranquility. Or maybe it's just for me.

"Alam mo, may mga bagay or tao talaga na mawawala sa atin. Na kahit masakit at mahirap tanggapin, kinakailangan pa rin nating magpatuloy. Kasi we only live once, diba? Why don't we enjoy the moment and live our lives to the fullest?"

I only stared at him and then he smiled.

"Laban lang. Ganyan talaga ang buhay, e. Magrereklamo tayo pero hindi naman solusyon ang pagsuko, kaya lumaban ka. At alam ko na hindi rin gugustohin ng mama mo 'pag sumuko ka," He paused. "Kung akala mo nag-iisa ka lang, akala mo lang 'yun" Then he laughed.

Natawa rin ako. I never thought of laughing like this after all that happened last week. This guy really never failed to do things I never thought I would.

I smiled.

"You look more beautiful when you're smiling," Out of a sudden he said.

My eyes widen and I could feel the heat on my face. Alam ko na namumula na ako kaya tinakpan ko kaagad ang mukha ko gamit ang mga palad ko.

Narinig kong tumawa siya nang malakas kaya hinampas ko siya. Natigil siya sa pagtawa dahil sa ginawa ko. Tinitigan niya lang ako kaya na-awkwardan ako.

"Stop...stop staring at me,"

He licked his lower lip.

"Ramwen,"

Nagsalubong ang kilay ko dahil sa sinabi niya. Did he just... mentioned his name? Kasi I know na Ramwen ang pangalan niya.

"What's your name?" He asked.

"Thessa. Thessalonians,"

"Thessalonians. Nice name," He smiled.

That's it. That's how we introduced ourselves to one another.

Hindi ko inakala na dahil lang don ay magiging ganito kami. Na makikilala niya ako.

Dahil, I oath to hid myself to the world.

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::))))