Meet Me in Heaven's Stairway

Chapter 9

"Diyos ko po! Bakit naman kasi lumabas pa ito'ng si Ramwen,"

It was her mother. Binigay ng nurse kanina ang cellphone ni Ramwen na nasa bulsa sa suot niyang pantalon kanina. Mabuti nga't hindi iyon na basag. Nakalagay naman sa emergency call ang nanay niya.

I could feel the worry in her voice. Ramdam na ramdam ko rin ang panginginig ng katawan niya dahil sa sobrang pag-aalala. Sino naman kasi ang hindi mag-aalala kung iyong anak mo ay nasa operating room na?

Napayuko ako nang maalala ko ang sinabi ng nurse kanina. He had been suffering from Leukemia since he was a kid. I heard also from her mother when she arrived her earlier that Ramwen stopped doing his therapy because he believed that 'everything has an ending'.

Kung sana'y nalaman ko nang mas maaga ang kondisyon niya, hindi ko sana siya nilayuan. Dapat sana nanatili ako sa tabi niya na kahit ilang ulit niya akong iwasan, ay gagawa pa rin ako ng paraan para makasama siya. Dahil hindi niya rin ako iniwan noong ako naman ang tumataboy sa kaniya dahil sa problema ko.

Naiitindihan ko na ngayon kung bakit gustong-gusto niyang mabuhay ng matagal. Palagi niyang sinasabi sa akin iyon. Ngayon ay alam ko na rin kung bakit panay ang pamumutla niya noong nakaraan. Kaya pala... kaya pala palaging iniiwasan niya ang mga tanong ko.

Pinoprotektahan niya ako na baka masaktan lang ako dahil sa sakit na dinadala niya? Na ayaw niya lang maranasan ko ulit iyong hinagpis na naranasan ko noong namatay si mama at wala akong nagawa?

He's been sheltering me from my traumas. My traumatic experiences made him chose to protect me than to tell me what he really feels. He values my inner peace over his own.

Mahal niya ako.

And I love him too. It maybe too early nor too late for us but I really love him. He made me realized a lot of things. He made me try things I thought I would never do. He made me love myself, trust myself and be confident.

Whenever I feel like no one's going to be there for my darkest times, he was there in the bench, patiently waiting for me to run towards him and cry all my burdens on his shoulder.

When he told me he loves me, I thought he's just doing some pranks. I never believe him, honestly. I used to be certain in everything whenever he's around but at that moment, he made me confused.

And I regretted being so immature that time. I regretted being so selfish. I regretted every thing I did that day. Kung alam ko lang sana na mangyayari ito, niyakap ko na sana siya ng mahigpit noon at sinabi ang mga nararamdaman ko.

Huli na ba ang lahat?

O sa susunod na habang buhay na lang?

Magpapatuloy ang naudlot na pagmamahalan?

"Hija,"

Nag-angat ako ng tingin sa tumawag sa akin. Sinuri niyang mabuti ang mukha ko, in-assume ko na lang na inaalala niya kung nakita na niya ba ako noon o hindi pa. Ramwen's mother was staring at me with confused eyes

"Ikaw ba si Thessa?" She asked.

I was shock for a moment. How did she even know my name?

Tumango ako. "Yes, po. Ako po si Thessa,"

I wanted to asked how did she knows me but of course, cat got my tongue. Mas lalo akong nagulat nang ngumiti siya sa akin. Her smile reach her eyes.
Napaka-genuine ng ngiti niya sa akin at hindi ko alam pero parang natutunaw ang puso ko sa ginawa niya.

It was her and her son who smiled at me like that.

"Palagi kang nakwe-kwento ni Ramwen sa akin, hija. Ang ganda mo nga pala talaga," Naramdaman ko ang pag-iinit ng mga pisngi ko sa sinabi niya. Hindi ako nagsalita at tipid lang na ngumiti sa kaniya.

Nanatiling tikom ang bibig ko at nakinig sa kaniya.

"Hindi ko akalain makakikita kita sa ganitong paraan," Naiiyak niyang sabi.

Hindi ko alam ang gagawin ko kaya hinila ko siya at niyakap. Her embrace seems so familiar. Ang init ng yakap niya ay nakapagpa-aalala sa akin kay mama.

Naramdaman ko na lang na nababasa na ang damit pang-itaas ko dahil sa mga luha niya. Hindi ko mapigilan ang sariling huwag rin maiyak. Humagulhol lang siya sa balikat ko. Maya-maya ay may lumapit sa amin.

"Mama!" Tawag sa kaniya ng isang babae na nakapulang t-shirt at naka-pajama. Humiwalay sa akin ang Nanay ni Ramwen sa pagkakayakap sa akin at tiningnan kung sino iyon.

"Raiah," Paiyak niyang sabi at dali-daling lumapit sa babae. Nakita kong niyakap siya ng babae.

Iniwas ko ang tingin ko sa kanila dahil nararamdaman kong naninikip na naman ang dibdib ko. Sobrang bigat ng pakiramdam ko kanina at mas nadagdagan ang bigat no'n sa nangyayari ngayon. Naaawa ako sa pamilya ni Ramwen.

I could see that he's really family-oriented. He's a good man, obviously. He has to live longer. He has to be because these people who loves him will be in pain when he leaves.

I want to see sunsets in the bench with him.

I want to see him eat siopao again.

I want to hear him sing randomly again.

I want to dance with him whatever music he wants.

I want to do things we have not done yet.

He made me feel like I'm the most beautiful girl in the world. He made me feel loved. He made me realize that I'm not alone. And I don't know if I could feel like that again once he's gone.

So he has to live. For us.

"Excuse me," Someone approached me. She's the nurse I have talked to earlier. "The patient is being operated right now, Miss. He has internal bleeding because of the accident. Then, his leukemia made him weak because I guess he stopped doing his therapy," She said.

I turned my gaze towards Ramwen's family. I could see that his mother's in the verge of crying but the girl earlier hush her. Pinapakalma niya ang mama ni Ramwen at hinahagod-hagod ang likod nito. Nakaalis na ang nurse pero nagre-replay pa rin sa utak ko ang sinabi niya kanina lang.

He's sick for Christ's sake. He didn't tell me. Goodness!

"Thessa?" Napalingon ako sa tumawag sa akin. "I'm Ramwen's sister. He talked about you a lot,"

Naiiyak na naman ako. Kilala ako ng family niya but I couldn't even do the same.

"Sabi niya ipapakilala ka niya daw sa amin," Bahagya siyang natawa. "I thought you two are together. Pero isang gabi umuwi siya amin, umiiyak. Then he told me everything. He hates his self because he couldn't be with you for a long time," Malungkot niyang sabi sa akin.

Nakagat ko ang ibaba kong labi uoang pigilan ang paghikbi.

"Umuuwi siya sa amin na nakangiti tapos panay ang kwento niya tungkol sayo. I never thought he would fell in love because he thought he's not allowed to do so because of his illness," Her voice broke.

Hindi ko na napigilan ang sarili ko at hinayaan ang mga luha ko na bumagsak na lang galing sa mga mata ko.

"I love him too. I really do. But I couldn't help but to doubt. My emotional traumas made me pushed him away. If...If I knew that...that this will happen...and that... he's sick...*. I sobbed. "I should've hugged him tight,"

Sa susunod na habang buhay na nga lang ba?