Meet Me in Heaven's Stairway

His Letter

"Ramwen, kumain ka muna,"

I was in my room when my mother entered. May dala siyang tray na may laman na mga pagkain, and of course... my medications.

A month had passed since I was comatose, luckily I have the chance to open my eyes again. To be able to see the beauty of the world, to appreciate the existence of my beloved and to...to fight a little more so I could experience things I have not done.

Ginagawa ko ang mga bagay na hindi ko nagawa noon sa pamilya ko. Gusto ko kasi na kapag nawala na ako, ay wala silang sama ng loob sa akin. Nag-sorry na rin ako sa mga kasalanan na nagawa ko sa kanila, lalo na ang pagiging sakitin. Alam ko na nahihirapan sila at nasasaktan para sa akin, ngunit mas pinili kung ipakita sa kanila na kaya ko. Na lumalaban ako kahit alam kong mauuwi lang din sa luha ang lahat.

"Hindi mo pa rin pinapansin si Thessa, anak" Mahinang sabi ni Mama habang nilalapag ang mga pagkain ko sa side table.

Hindi ako lumabas dahil alam kung nasa baba lang si Thessa. Ayaw ko munang makita o mag-usap kami. Gusto kong i-focus muna ang sarili ko sa pamilya ko, pero nahihirapan akong ignorahin ang presensiya niya kung iba ang sinasabi ng puso ko sa akin.

I miss her a lot. There's no second, minutes or even days that I haven't missed her. Whenever I listen to my favorite songs it just reminded me of her. Whenever I do things I used to do with her, I missed her even more.

I want us to keep our distance. I want her to easily forget about me, because I won't be able to be with her when she would cry and needing a shoulder to lean on. I know she's brave and stronger than before but I also know the impact of my death to her. She became independent to me and leaving her will cause havoc to her life.

When my mother left my room, I stood up. I ate the food and fix my table after that. I went to my study table and looked for a piece of paper and a pen. I sat on the chair and lean my elbow to the table. Should I just write a letter to her?

At 'yun nga ginawa ko. I was clouded with words I wanted to tell her. How much she meant to me, how much I adore her and how much I wanted to keep her but I couldn't. But no words could express all those things. She's just too deserving of everything.

So I just wrote anything that comes out of my mind and words from the bit of my heart.

Thessa,

If you're reading this now, maybe I already left for heaven. Will I go there? I never thought of that because I had a lot of shortcomings while I'm still alive.

Anyway, meeting you was the best thing that ever happened to me. I don't have any plans of falling in love but you're just to beautiful to resist.

Love, whenever I see sunset it just reminded me of how breathtakingly beautiful you are, at the same time I felt sad. Whenever the sun goes down and up, it represents another day. Another day for us to fight with our demons within us. You fight for your peace and I fight for my life.

You made me happy and I couldn't asked for more. The happiness I felt whenever I'm with you is priceless and understatement.

I wanted to see you achieve everything you had been dreaming of. I wanted to be with you while you achieve all of those. But I know it's impossible to happen because I'm leaving too soon.

I want you to know that I'm so proud of you. You had developed into a woman who's strong and brave to face and overcome every battles the world will ever throw at you. I had never been so grateful because I was with you while you became the better version of yourself.

And when you're at the best, always remember that I'm proud of you and I love you. I so love you but in this lifetime, it wasn't meant for us.

My heart beats for you, love.

If ever you want us to meet again, I'll be waiting for you at the heaven's stairway.

'Til the stars collide again and the moon shine brighter in the darkness.

Love,
Ramwen

I will love her until my last breath. It was me and her against the world but this time...the world won. At the end of the day, beautiful things die and comes to an end.

I guess it's true that not all of us will have our own happy endings. But in the end, it doesn't matter. What matters is that you were happy while it lasts.

And again to my Thessa, continue fighting and never give up. I may be out of sight, but I will live in your heart. That's forever for us.

See you again, love.