Meet Me in Heaven's Stairway

Chapter 7

"It's almost Christmas, ano'ng plano natin, Dad?"

Umismid ako. I hate her voice, I hate how 'sipsip' she is, and I hate her for being Dad's favorite.

I hate her for being my sister.

We were eating dinner. As usual, they were the one whose busy talking and I was just silent all the time. I wasn't really eating with them for the past months after my mother's death but my father messaged me that he wants me to join dinner with them today.

I don't want to be rude and disrespectful so I joined dinner with them. I was also planning to talk to him about something. However, they were busy talking about Christmas.

I felt the sudden stab in my chest upon remembering my mother. At this time, she would be very busy planning and decorating our house for Christmas Day. I used to be happy when Christmas is fast approaching, but now, I don't feel the same way.

"Thea, that's too boring!" Talia said in her high-pitched voice. I automatically covered my ears because of that.

Damn, ang sakit sa tenga ng boses niya.

"Pajama party is not boring, Lia! You're the one who's boring here!"

Nakayuko lang ako kaya hindi ko gaanong nakikita ang mga reaksyon nila sa mga mukha nila. Gusto kong magsalita pero pinipigilan ko ang sarili ko dahil alam kong magagalit si Papa. The last thing I would do is to make him angry.

"We will talk about this some other time. If you're done eating, you can go to your rooms now" He said seriously. Lia was about to complain when Thea grabbed her hand and forcedly made her stood up.

When they were nowhere to be seen, I stood up. Balak ko na sanang pumanhik din sa kwarto ko nang nagsalita si Papa.

"I want to talk to you," He's not just saying it but more likely demanding.

I don't have a choice but to nod. I also want to talk to him. I saw him stood up and headed to his office. He has his own office in our house.

I sighed heavily and calmed myself. This would be the first time having a talk with him and probably be the last. I was planning to move out and live all by myself. Because I think it's for the better. Not just for myself but for all of us.

Humakbang ako papunta sa office ni Papa. Mabibigat ang hakbang na ginagawa dahil na rin siguro sa mga iniisip ko na possibleng mangyari sa paguusap namin ni Papa.

"Sit down," Sabi niya nang makarating ako sa opisina niya.

Nang umupo ako ay mas lalo akong kinabahan dahil sa uri ng mga titig ni Papa sa akin. Wari ko'y sinusuri niya ang buong pagkatao ko. Malalim ang mga mata niyang nakatingin sa akin at para ba'ng hinihintay niyang magsalita ako.

Bumuntong hininga ako. Malalim pa ata sa dagat ang buntong hininga na ginawa ko.

"Papa..." Tawag ko sa kaniya. Tinaasan niya ako ng kilay.

"Ano ang kailangan mo sa akin, Thessa?" Kalmadong tanong niya sa akin.

Mas lalo akong nininerbiyos sa pagiging kalmante niya. Na para bang kaya niyang i-handle ang lahat sa pagiging kalmante.

"Papa...I...I want...to move...out," Nauutal kong sabi.

Sandaling namayani ang katahimikan sa buong lugar. Nakatitig lang sa akin si Papa at ako naman ay tinatansiya ang mood ni Papa dahil baka bigla niya lang akong sigawan.

Maya maya lang ang tumikhim siya. "You know I can't do that, Thessa".

A sudden anger came to my senses. All these years, I never felt wanted by himself. I never felt the love I'm always needing from him. He'd never been a father for me. I grew up having  nothing emotional towards him than anger.