it was our way! {nana}

part 2.

Goodbye my love.

He immediately stopped what he did and looked at me.
I could see the fear in his eyes.

He was scared I could see it in his face and he wanted to say something but nothing came out and I definitely could understand why.

"You can't?!" His voice was absolutely shaky and he was near to cry I could hear it perfectly in his husky voice.

"I'm sorry, I should have told you earlier.." I spoke as carefully as I could.

I didn't wanted to say something wrong to him especially not now in such a shit situation.

I always knew I should have told him earlier about it.
I always knew if I wouldn't became his girlfriend it would be easier but I didn't regret anything I did with him but I also knew that this would be our goodbye.

"Why?" He asked me and looked me in the eyes.
"It's cause of a boy isn't it?" I could see the tears building in his eyes and I felt so guilty even it wasn't because of a boy.

"I also have to tell you something" I was trembling all over my body and I was scared of what he had to say.

"I'll come with you!" He spoke in full of hope that I would say yes to him.

But I shook my head, the first few months I would live with someone because I would never find a apartment that fast especially not in Tokyo and I didn't wanted him to leave his band behind him just because of me.

Neither of us would have a job in tokyo so we couldn't life together, the second thing is that no one of us have enough money for a apartment and all the things we would need for tokyo.

„I can't take you with me Ren, please understand" I spoke really carefully and I felt really bad.

„I will comply as soon as I have enough money for a apartment for us both, I promise" he was definitely looking forward to it.
I could hear his happiness back in his voice.

„I know you'll Ren" I laid my head back on his chest and I was really sad cause this would be our last night together.

I fell asleep real quick and with that I felt bad the whole night.
It doesn't felt right to leave him behind.
I got an really bad feeling about it and I thought about not leaving.

When I woke up I was alone in our apartment.
He wasn't there anymore, he leaved.

When I stood up I found a little letter on the table and on it was something written by Ren.

„Good Morning my love, I'm really sorry that I didn't woke you up but you slept like a baby so I didn't want to wake you.
I hope you have a great day today and I'll see you tonight.
I got many things to do today so please do whatever you want to do.
I love you my love, take care of you"

And then I realized that he didn't knew that I would leave tonight.
Maybe It would be better when I wouldn't say goodbye personally cause i knew if i would do it, I could never leave him.

I packed a little bag with a few clothes and went with the taxi to the train station.
I was all alone and it was better like this.

I leaved without saying a last word to any of the members and that was because I felt guilty for leaving them.

I got on the train and sat down in a free sit.
I hoped that the train would leave as soon as possible so that I couldn't change my mind for staying here, but I was little to early so the train wouldn't leave so soon.

"Y/n?! Y/n!" I heard someone calling for me and when I looked out of the window I saw the band members looking for me on the train station.

I ducked my head slightly so that they couldn't see me but I heard a familiar voice on the train calling for me.

I looked up and immediately looked in Ren's eyes they were full of fear and I just couldn't look him in the eyes.

He came to me, took my head and kissed me.
It was a kiss full of fear that he could loose me and I knew that we would break up when I would leave now but the thing I got to do in Tokyo were really important so I couldn't stay as much as I wanted.

"Y/n you know that I'll never forget you, please don't forget about me so soon, I'll come when I got enough money please wait for me"
His voice was so shaky and when I looked up I saw tears rolling down his face.

I kissed him a last time and then he went out of the train, as soon as he leaved I started crying.
That was the reason why I didn't wanted a personal goodbye.

My heart hurts so much just thinking about living without him.
I lived a long time now with him and it was a little bit of fear in me that asked myself if he really would come for me or if these words were just words.

I cried when I saw Nobu standing on the window looking at me.
I was so broken that I wanted to stay so much but I couldn't and the boys didn't even knew why that was the hardest part for me.

The train began to going forward so I took my music player and was hearing the songs of Ren the whole way to Tokyo.

When I arrived at the tokyo train station I stood up and was looking for the person who would pick me up.

"Welcome to tokyo beauty" I heard a really deep voice behind me and I immediately knew it was wrong to come.