𝘣𝘭𝘶𝘦 ~ dnf

13.

| dream | jan. 18th

i'm sorry.
i'm really sorry,
george.

i went back
to the ocean
where your body
was found.

i'm sitting here
as i write this,
actually.

it's been so long
since i've written you a letter,
that i've almost forgotten how.

so i'm sorry
if this sounds lame
or if i keep repeating myself,
but i'm so weak.

i'm so tired
i'm so done.
i wanna leave,
and be with you
is that okay?

i'm writing to you,
on this darkened night
to announce my going away.

yeah,
i'm leaving.

i've actually done it,
i'm coming home to you
george
i'm gonna be with you
isn't that great?

the air is still
and i guess this is my will
i will write on.

i plan to kill myself,
but i needed
to write down my feelings
first.

needed to go in depth
with the way i feel
about you
before i die,
and i have no more words
left to speak.

i tried to be strong
i don't know what went wrong.
i tried and tried,
yet i failed.
you still left and set sail.
all we had turned to dust
while my heart started to rust.

that bird that i see,
i realize that i am a catastrophe.
the world below my feet
my legs my arms are feeling weak.
explosions in my mind.
fueling the words in this rhyme.
the pain in my heart,
unbearable from the start

i've loved you for so long
yet,
i never realized
until you left.

isn't that tragic?
how can you not know you love someone,
until they are dead?

you're so beautiful,
george.

i just want to hold you
and sing you soothing songs
as you fall asleep
in my arms.

i want to hold your hand again
and i want to feel the way
your palms grow sweaty
when connected with mine.

i want to comb my fingers
through your dark hair
and i want to feel the way
it tickles my neck
as you lay on me
when we cuddle.

i want to kiss you
but not on the cheek,
on the lips.
and i want to see
the way your cheeks light up
with red tint
as you grow so embarrassed
when we pull away.

i want to love you
like the birds
love the sky.
i want to be a storm cloud
that thrives off the wind.

i want to be a flower,
that never stops blooming
and i want you,
to be my sun.

everytime you come out,
i'll grow so much taller
because you're so incredibly bright
and you fill my roots
with nutrients
that i need
to survive.