TW: Homophobia, panic attack, meal skipping (not disordered eating)
Nurse Ratched smiled and nodded, holding back tears as well. "You know uh I helped too." Huck smirked. You smiled and tilted your head.
"Thank you Huck." You laughed.
"First time I've seen you smile, y/n. It's a good look on you." Huck smiled and winked as he tapped your shoulder and Nurse Ratched nodded at him. He walked out of the room. You blushed a bit and looked down as Nurse Ratched wheeled you out as well. She brought you to the recreation room and you saw Lily, lighting Ingrid's cigarette.
"Can you-" You started to say but Nurse Ratched interrupted.
"Lily. I know." Nurse Ratched laughed. She wheeled you over to Lily and you smiled.
"Y/N!" Lily chimed. "Are you alright?"
"I'm fine. No hydrotherapy today." You smiled.
"Oh good." Lily laughed with relief. You looked over and nodded at Nurse Ratched. She returned the smile and you looked back at Lily who grasped your hand. "It's good to see you smile, y/n. First time I've seen it since I met you."
You gave her a tight lipped smile and huffed a bit until Nurse Bucket came in the room. Once you spotted her, you and Lily immediately let go of each other's hands. She walked over to you and had her hands clasped in front of her.
"Miss y/l/n, we didn't exactly get a chance to finish our session yesterday. Please come with me." Nurse Bucket ordered. She wasn't happy and you've learned when women weren't happy, no one around them was. Especially women like Nurse Bucket. She guided you into the same room as yesterday and you immediately got flashbacks from your breakdown. You stood staring for a second at the spot where you sank to the floor and Nurse Ratched coddled you in her arms.
"Take a seat." You snapped out of your thoughts and sat down across from Nurse Bucket. "Now. Let's get to it shall we?" She fake smiled. You looked down and you guessed it. Fumbled with your fingers with anxiety and waited for Nurse Bucket to say something. As you're looking down, a picture is placed in front of you. Another woman half naked.
"Y/n, tell me the first thing you notice about the woman in this picture." Nurse Bucket asked.
You look at the picture nervously. "Uhm, h-her face is- pretty I guess." You trembled. And you lied. The first thing you noticed was her hips. Her beautiful legs. The cleavage her bra was showing.
"What about her body?" Nurse Bucket pushed.
"It's...alright?" You almost questioned and looked away from the picture.
"Y/n, look back at the picture. Tell me how you feel about the woman's body. You have to be honest if you want us to help you." She pushed once more.
"She- she's pretty. " You managed to squeak out.
"Pretty?" Nurse Bucket cocked an eyebrow.
"She has a nice body." You felt ashamed and vulnerable.
"Do you feel these ways about Mrs. Cartwright?" She suddenly asked. The question hit you like a ton of bricks. You admired Lily. She was a beautiful woman but she was older and hell she was married. Your face shot up as Nurse Bucket's eyes were glued to yours.
"I beg your pardon?!" You almost yelled.
"Now Miss y/l/n, it's a simple question. Do you feel these ways about-"
"NO! Of course not! Lily is just a good friend of mine- Nurse Bucket I don't think this is working." Your stammered as you stood up and placed a hand on your forehead.
"Sit. Down." Nurse Bucket snapped.
You exhaled heavily and sat back in your chair.
"You can't deem that this isn't working just yet. We aren't finished and won't be for a very long time if you continue this behavior." She sneered.
She slid a picture of a man in front of you. He was probably in his twenties and had abs, a handsome face. Nothing special. At all.
"What about this man? How does he make you feel?"
"I don't feel anything." You huffed looking up at her. "I'm tired. I want to go back to bed."
"Miss y/l/n, it's only 3 o'clock. I'm not permitting you to leave the room until our session is over."
Your face got red and your eyes watered. She kept asking you about different pictures of men and women until you were completely breaking down. Nurse Bucket tried calming you down but her consolation was of no use.
"Y/n, you are dismissed. I'm going to have a talk with Dr. Hanover. We'll see what we can do." She practically growled. You quickly got up and left the room, wrapping your cardigan around you and rushed to your bedroom, shaking. The different images that were shown to you flashed through your head. They got more explicit and inappropriate throughout the session. It was now 5 o'clock and you started getting ready for bed. There was no use in going to eat dinner. You sobbed on your bed, into your pillow, staining the cover with your tears once again.
You felt yourself craving Nurse Ratched's gentle touch. Holding you, caressing you, caring for you when needed. You wanted her. You needed her.
I want her. I need her.
You wrote in your notebook. You slid it back in its hiding spot and got under the covers. You cried to yourself for an hour or so until you fell asleep.
***
Another nightmare.
You woke up screaming. At the top of your lungs. In your dream all you remember was being locked up and tortured. That's all. Tears streamed down your face as you screamed. The door busted open as Nurse Ratched and Huck came in the door. Nurse Ratched rushed to your bed and immediately sat next to you and held you close to her. You sobbed into her chest and Nurse Bucket rushed in with two other orderlies.
"She needs to be sedated." Nurse Bucket said sternly to the orderlies. They went to retrieve the sedation medication but Nurse Ratched's voice stopped them.
"NO. So help me god if you come anywhere near this girl with a needle, see what fucking happens." The orderlies look at each other and Nurse Ratched nicks her head forward as her eyes go wide.
"LEAVE." She thundered. The orderlies, along with Huck left the room. Nurse Bucket pondered at the door for a moment before she left as well and closed the door. Nurse Ratched caressed your head and shushed you time and time again. You let out another sobbed scream and she took you face in her hands. "Y/n. Y/n, look at me please."
You couldn't breathe. The walls were caving in. You were caving in. Your eyes were pinned shut. You couldn't speak all you heard were Nurse Ratched's words but they weren't words to you. Simply muffled nothingness.
"I can't- I can't-" You stammered until your words were cut off. Not by words but by something physical. You open your eyes to see Nurse Ratched's face as close to yours as possible. Her lips were pressed against yours and you immediately relaxed, sinking into the feeling of her wet lips, meeting yours. Your eyes fluttered closed once again and you kissed her back. But as soon as you did, she pulled away, opening her eyes. You whimpered at the sudden absence of her lips and you opened your eyes.
"Are you listening now?"
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A/N: Smut coming soon;)
-Del
YOU ARE READING
Before the World Got to Her
Fanfiction"I wish I got to know the Mildred Ratched before the world got to her. Before someone convinced her that the only way to survive was to build a wall around herself." You were a young girl who was admitted to Lucia State Hospital to be treated for le...
