Not Desperate

Chapter 29 Say Goodbye

Chapter 29

Say Goodbye

            Rick knew that Daryl had something on his mind. They hadn’t talked since the night before and he had barely spoken a word to him this morning. “What’s going on Daryl? What’s on your mind?” He didn’t acknowledge Rick immediately and sat in silence. When they pulled up to the trailer, Daryl stepped out without a word and went inside. Rick followed him, biding his time. Daryl was in his room throwing random shit in a backpack. The hunter could sense his best friends presence behind him. “It’s over,” he said in a low voice, full of disgust.

            “What’s over?” Rick walked into the room and sat on the bed.

            “She don’t want me anymore. I don’t think she loves me anymore. I can’t live with this. I lost Merle, now I lost her. All because of that stupid fucker who should’ve rotted away in prison years ago.” He sat down on the bed, hard enough to bounce the mattress.

            “Okay, so, she was alright last night, but what happened between then and now?”

            Daryl started biting at his thumbnail. “She said she didn’t want to be alone, so she wanted me to get in the shower with her. When she stepped in . . . . . my God Rick, I wanted to kill him all over again. She’s covered in bruises and cuts. She’s ashamed, didn’t want me seeing it. I tried to tell her she’s still beautiful to me. I told her I’d never stop loving her, no matter what. She told me she’d try. She wants to work through this together. I think she feels guilty about Merle. I don’t know. She promised me Rick, she made me think that she still wanted this, wanted us. She let me sleep with my arms around her last night. I woke up this morning and she was still there. I guess I was hoping it had all been a dream or something. I mean, if I wake up with her in my arms it means everything’s good, right? So, I suppose I forgot all about the bad shit for a minute and I kissed her. She didn’t do anything Rick, she just stiffened up, didn’t kiss me back. I didn’t realize what I was doing until I did it. She got scared, or pissed off, and ran into the bathroom. There’s no excuse for what I did. She don’t need me trying to do that shit until she’s dealt with this and she’s ready. She ain’t ever gonna want me to touch her again. I can’t live without her.” He was trying his best to keep the tears at bay.

            Rick put his hand on his best friends shoulder. “Has she told you what happened yet?”

            “Naw, told her that could wait till she felt comfortable.”

            “Good. I know she loves you too, no matter what happened. I’ve been on a few calls like this before. It’s hard for both parties to deal with. You’re both hurting for each other and we still don’t know how this is gonna affect her emotionally. Some woman deal with it better than others, but it all depends on the reaction she gets from you. She may not tell you what she wants or needs, but you have to make sure she knows she can still trust you.”

            “I don’t know how to do this. I don’t know how to get her to believe me or trust me. She’s gotta know that I would never hurt her. I want to make her feel better. I want to be the one to take it all away.”