Heart of a rogue

* Chapter 13 - valuable lessons

I was out for an early morning walk around camp, breathing in the crisp air. I used to do this a lot, a way to clear my head when everything felt too heavy. After yesterday's session, though, I needed it more than ever. The memories from it still lingered, swirling in my mind like a storm I couldn't outrun.

I never even considered being angry at myself, but Abel's words had cracked something open. How could I not see it before? I blamed everyone else for my pain, but I never looked inward. Sure, my parents deserved my anger—that was easy. And Declan, for rejecting me, he deserves it too. But why did it bother me so much? Why did their actions still have this hold on me?

I'm angry that I never stood up to my mother when she hit me, when she would punish me for anything she deemed shameful. I'm angry I never fought back, never defended myself or my brother. Most of all, I'm angry I left him behind—left him alone—to face the same monsters we grew up with, while I ran away from the hurt. He was just a kid.

"Lucy?"

The soft voice snapped me out of my thoughts. I looked up, surprised to see Mia standing there, her warm brown eyes focused on me. How long had I been standing here lost in my head?

I swallowed, trying to shake off the weight in my chest. "Oh... hey."

We stood there in an awkward silence, neither of us sure of what to say. Finally, Mia spoke up, her voice gentle. "How are you doing?"

I shrugged. How do you answer that? Everything sucked. But more than that, mentally, I felt like I was cracking—like all these emotions had nowhere to go. "Fine, I guess..."

Mia noticed the tension between us and seemed ready to walk away, to just let me be.

But then it hit me—she used to be the one I'd walk with in the mornings. We'd chat for hours about everything and nothing. A part of me missed that—missed her. It was dumb, but it felt like it might help. So I blurted, "W-wait!"

She halted and turned, her brows knitting together in question.

I opened my mouth, hesitated, then just said it. "I... I wanted to apologize for attacking you. Back then."

Mia blinked in surprise, but after a moment, a smile spread across her face. "Sure, thank you."

I was surprised by how easily she accepted it. But then again, it wasn't shocking. Mia was just... too kind, too understanding. But the apology still felt awkward on my lips, like something I hadn't done enough to deserve.

Before I could dwell on it, I quickly started walking again, but this time, I couldn't help the small smile that tugged at my lips when I heard her soft laugh behind me.

After my walk, I grabbed some breakfast, but even eating felt like a chore. My mind wouldn't stop. I had half an hour before the showers, and as I was walking toward them, I saw him.

Declan.

And with him, the blonde girl—the one from before. One glance at their linked arms set something off inside me. I watched as he casually guided her around camp, like they were... something.

Something that wasn't me.

A knot of anger twisted in my stomach. What was it about seeing him with her that made my heart ache?

"Are you spying on Muscle McGee?" a soft voice whispered next to me.

I couldn't help but laugh, my nerves easing just a little. "I'm not spying, Belle," I replied, glancing at them again. "My eyes just happened to land on them."