Heart of a rogue

* Heart of a Dreamer

I'm excited to share that we're moving on to the second part of the book, transitioning from "Heart of a Rogue" to "Heart of a dreamer"! Thanks for sticking with me on this journey! At first I had called it Heart of a Luna, but... well it wasn't right, so I've changed it to heart of a dreamer. :) 

...

The heart want what it wants, it's like a compass that guides us through a maze of feelings. Always pointing us into the right direction. Or does it? My heart has always been all over the place. Like a chaotic ticking.

When I was little I wanted to please my parents until it became clear to me they were the ones trapping me in a cage. I wanted to be free, I wanted to be like a mustang stallion. Wild and free.

Now, my heart craves something else, though I'm still figuring out what exactly that is.

Our hearts are like lanterns; they shine brightest when the night is darkest. So I'm sure mine will light a path and guide me into the right direction, the righteous one.

...

Dr. Eline, a stringent professional, conducted a battery of tests on me and arranged consultations with various specialists. She assigned numerous labels to my condition, attributing my emotional instability to my tumultuous past. Though she deemed my progress satisfactory given the circumstances, her diagnoses included trauma, personality disorders from my rogue nature, and anxiety disorder, among others. The list goes on and on.

While I acknowledged the validity of her concerns regarding my history as a rogue, I found it difficult to fully align with her assessments. Despite her efforts, I still perceived myself as two different people at times: the timid girl trapped within her pack's confines and the resilient rogue fighting for survival.

My weekly sessions with Eline served as a platform for me to vent my concerns and anxieties. However, owing to my rogue background, I found myself under constant surveillance. Rather than returning to the rehabilitation camp, Declan, the pack leader, entrusted me to his pack's grounds. He couldn't part with me after recent events, so he wanted me to stay at the pack grounds. 

Although he believed in my ability to find stability, he still remained cautious, especially with Dr. Eline's influence. She constantly warned about the potential dangers of my recent experiences, suggesting that Leo's abuse could send me spiraling into madness and possibly harm pack members in the process. And well, there were more issues from my past surfacing. Like my parents. But they were concerned that I was unstable. 

Ironically, their concern only made me more defiant. After surviving far worse as a rogue, their worries seemed almost laughable. If anyone had a right to claim mental instability, it was me. They thought this experience damaged me? Please, I could write an entire book on my instability. Leo was nothing compared to other stuff I went through. At least he fucking fed me. 

The memories of my youth flashed vividly in her mind—the heated arguments, the relentless physical and mental abuse, the suffocating sense of helplessness. Despite her efforts to bury them deep within her psyche, they clawed their way back to the surface, threatening to engulf her once more. She hated it.

She she tried to push those thoughts deep in her mind. She had other troubles on her mind too.

Lost in her reverie, Lucy was startled by a familiar voice calling out to her. "Lucy! Hey, it's me, Abel," he said, his tone gentle yet concerned.

He nodded at the person walking behind her, one of the people tasked with watching her often. Joshua, their packs Beta. Somehow she had affected these two males, her status as Luna, made them want to cater to her needs.