Stray Kids one shots #2 || honeyndwild

Jisung | I just want someone to love me

Summary: rusreal au where Jisung visits his grandmother in her village house and thinks about love

Disclaimer: me, me, me. In everything, Jisung thinks, in everything he does. In the grandma and her old house, in the village shop and the playground. I just needed to get it out of my chest, and it felt so good to finally be able to do so

I just want someone to love me.

The old bus runs into a hole in the old asphalt, and it makes Jisung jump in his seat, elbowing a grumpy looking woman sitting next to him. He mouths a barely audible "excuse me" just out of habit, but she doesn't hear him, just rolls her eyes and returns to talking loudly to someone on her phone.

Jisung glances at her moving red lips and glistering with sweat skin, just to check whether she talks to him or not. But then realises, she doesn't even care about him, and he exhales slowly, with relief.

The songs in his headphones changes, and he returns to staring at the window.

Oh, God, how much he wants someone to love him.

The fields run past him and his bus in one messy blur; lines of dirty-yellow wheat, green dots of potato bushes, lean and dangerous-looking Bear's breech.

The road winds between fields, sometimes stumbling upon rivers and dark-looking forests, and Jisung stares the heck out of them, drinks all the colours in, hoping to imprint it in his mind forever.

On the white canvas inside his mind, those patches of yellow and grin and grey mix with "I just want to be loved"s, written in his crooked but still readable handwriting. And, honestly, he feels a little embarrassed by that, by voicing his deepest desires out loud (figuratively, but still).

Because he shouldn't be weak. Because as a person, he needs to feel full-fledged as he is, no "second half" is required. And honestly, he already feels this way. And he loves and adores himself, and he is his number one supporter and comforter, but just—

Just.

He wants someone to take his face in their hands and look at him with the same emotion he looks at his reflection in the mirror.

He wants to feel the soft caresses on his skin and the shining eyes of the person, who loves him as much as he loves himself.

He just wants to be seen. Not by the world, he doesn't need the world at all, but just, he wants to be seen by that one particular person, his forever partner.

It could've been enough for him, he swears.

The bus takes an abrupt stop, Jisung almost flies forward and bumps his head into the seat in front of him. His knees ache a little when he realises he has bumped them too, and he pats them with a frown.

The next stop is his, and he needs to prepare himself, but he's too afraid to turn and ask that grumpy looking woman whether she can let him out (or not, but he doesn't want to think about that).

He decides to sit for a few more minutes and then almost misses his stop. He almost screws that woman's bag off her laps when he tries to go past her and hears not so pleasant words hitting his back about young men being too impolite these days. He's glad the music muffles half of it, and he jumps off the bus' steps hurriedly, without being too embarrassed.

But then the bus runs away, and he's left in the middle of the field.

Alone.

Jisung doesn't know why he decided to do this. The summer was hot and quiet, summer break before he would attend his 3rd year of uni started two months ago, and Jisung was spending it in his not so hot parent's flat, reading comics and eating tons of ice cream. Sometimes he wandered around the city centre at night, when the heat wasn't hitting him in the head like a brick, had a few beers here and there with a few classmates. But overall, his summer was quiet, and he enjoyed it until the days became blurry, and he suddenly realised he was drowning in the boredom.