Such Silent Chaos

childhood

i look for fragments of my childhood in everything i find
i look for ways to remind myself it is not all gone
i retreat to dark rooms, i pull the blinds
i stay up late at night to seek comfort from the dark
it is safe here
it is safe here
there is love etched in the gaps of this windowsill and there is a hug in these soft sheets
there is him too. he is alive here
very much alive and massaging my head still, he is here and we will travel the streets of lahore on his bike after lunch.

there is her. her, oh god. a friend made way before i had to worry about loyalty. she is waiting for me. there are lego blocks in that yellow bag waiting to be strewn on her bedroom floor
there are books that i have to read and things i have to say
here is me, way before i started raining on paper
because here, tears fall because of splinters
and because she loves my slippers so much she keeps wearing them back upstairs- i love them too
here, i am safe, content.
here in the arms of this old, old house, under the skies of lahore. literally.
rushing to the rooftop to spread the gigantic plastic sheet from one edge to the other to avoid the house from flooding.
here, everything smells of wood, rain. innocence. it smells of life
i am happy here
i dont know anything except happiness
i am safe here

_d