circles 𖧷 gilbert blythe

6th chapter „explain it to me"

He let go of me and walked over to the door, where he turned around to me, held his hand towards me and smiled at me.

„Are you coming Jules?", he asked me and I was still in a kind of shock. I nodded slowly and tried to create a smile. „Sure", I replied and put my hand in his, whereupon we both walked to the kitchen. His words crossed my mind again.. He said something that you only say to a person, who you at least love the same as the actual person. Was I thinking too much about it? Or took it too seriously? Probably it was all just chattering and nothing serious behind it. Still, it didn't let me rest a second and I didn't know what to think about it. I sat down next to Gilbert and Blayke and we started our table prayer. Then we began to eat. „Oh we haven't met. I'm Parker Rae River, I'm the grandfather", grandfather said to Gilbert and shook his hand.

„Gilbert Blythe, nice to meet you", Gilbert replied. „Does everyone like the food?", grandmother asked while I was stabbing in the food. It wasn't because I wasn't hungry or didn't like the food, it was just that the whole situation gave me a bad stomach ache. „Very delicious", Blayke answered and took another portion of the casserole. „I like it too. You're really good at cooking, Miss Rae River", Gilbert said. „And you Jules?", grandfather asked. „Are you not hungry?", he add. „No it's just that the day was very exhausting and I'm quite tired", I answered. „Oh okay then eat what you can and Gilbert can take the rest home for him and his family", grandmother said smiling, while I immediately turned my head to Gilbert. His family..

„I am an orphan, my parents are dead, but I'm still very thankful for the gesture and would like to accept the food", Gilbert said smiling, while my grandparents looked shocked. „Oh god, I'm sorry. I didn't wanted to remind you about your parents death. I will definitely pack you some leftovers in a bag. You can always come by, don't forget that.. Gilbert", grandmother said and Gilbert nodded and thanked her and grandfather. Later when we finished eating and it was getting dark outside, I brought Gilbert to the front door. I gave him the bag with the leftovers of the dinner and said: „Thank you, Gilbert.. for taking the time to help me with my homework today". He started smiling and responded with: „I really liked it. Would it be bad if tomorrow I accompany you and your brother to school?".

„Oh no, I don't think so. I even think it would be better , since we won't get lost again, thank you", I replied and he nodded. „Well, goodnight to you, Jules.. Sleep well and we see us tomorrow morning", he said, turned around and walked away. I watched him going, when I decided to ask him the thing, I thought about, the whole time. „Wait! Gilbert, one more thing!", I shouted and ran after him. I didn't know what I was thinking, but I needed to know it even, if it could be a bad idea to ask such a thing. „Yes, what is it?", he asked me smiling while I was looking in his eyes. „What did you mean earlier?..", I asked him, so quietly that only him and I could hear it. „What do you mean?", he asked me confusedly.

„What you said about me.., if Anne wouldn't exist,
I'd love you right away"", I repeated his words from earlier and he started to look away, blush and smirked. „What exactly do you want to know about this statement?", he asked and stared at me. „How can you say that about a person, you don't love?", I asked him and he raised an eyebrow. „How do you know, if I don't love you?", he asked me and I immediately began to turn red. Whereupon he had to hold back a grin. „You love Anne", I said and he nodded. „You can love more than just one Person", he replied. „But of course not in the same way. Love has many different ways to express itself. I love Anne, you're right, but I also like you, in some way and yes , I could even imagine loving you, if Anne didn't exist", he tried to explain.

„But how can you be so sure about loving me, when you aren't doing it now either?", I asked. „Because I admire you, just like I do with Anne.. I think you're pretty, I like your personality and I get along well with you. All of these aspects are proofs to me that I could actually love you, only that I have Anne in my mind right now. But who knows, maybe someday things will change and I will fall in love with you or someone else, who knows? right?", he asked, leaning down to me. „Jules you have everything you need to be loved, now the only thing you need is a boy, who appreciates all of that in you. Those who don't realize it are fools, like me..", he said and stopped.

„I only have eyes for Anne, even though such a great girl is standing right in front of me, can you believe it?..

..Well you will find your person, Jules, believe me. I hope I was able to explain my statement from earlier better to you. Now please go back into the house before you catch yourself a cold..", he said, tapping me slightly on the head and smiling at me. „Goodnight, Jules", he said and waved at me. „Goodnight!", I shout from the front door and he waved one last time before he turned around and disappeared in the darkness. I sighed and turned around and entered the house again. I don't know, if I was happy with the explanation I got, but I was able to say, that I'm relieved. I know now what he meant and his words were very sweet, about me. He could love me, if he hasn't Anne in his mind all the time.. That was a thing that surprised me. That he would say something like this about me.

Do I feel the same way? The question suddenly came up in my head.

I didn't thought about that. How do I even feel about Gilbert? Is he a friend? More than that? I don't really know.. The words he said about me, that I'm pretty and he likes me, made me happy, but does that immediately mean that I'm in love with him? I was never really in love? How do you even know when you're in love? Do you get a sign? I just know that I really really like Gilbert as a friend, that's for sure, but more than a friend? I wasn't sure about that. He is pretty, I know. He has a great personality and helps everyone. He is a good person, but is that opinion about him from me enough to say that I'm in love with him? maybe.. maybe not. I can't change anything about my unsureness, so who cares? I will just let it come towards me and we will see what happens, right?

If I love him, I love him, if I don't , I don't. It's not like that I could change something about it.

And right now he loves Anne anyways, so I will support him with that. Good friends do that, I think. But if he should decide to rather love me than Anne, I have a problem. I would have to decide, how I feel about him, without even knowing how you're supposed to feel, when you're in love with somebody. But why do I even think about that now? He loves Anne, not me. So I have nothing to worry about. I support him and Anne's relationship and while doing that I will learn how love feels, I guess?