An Ampora doesn't cry [Homestuck]

Chapter 8

The night has already settled for several hours, and yet Eridan still doesn't sleep. He is unable to find sleep, not with the two presences in his bed breathing peacefully, as if it was natural for them to be there. Karkat and Gamzee have decided to spend the night at his place, a little without asking him for his consent - although Eridan would never have refused. And now they are there: Gamzee is on the side of the wall, spread all over, with one arm on Karkat who is in the middle. Karkat who doesn't seem to be disturbed by the presence on him, who is content to sleep peacefully in a ball like a kitten. And Eridan, at the end of the bed, perceives the body of Vantas to his right, and the presence of the void to his left. It is enough for him a simple movement to fall.

Oh, he could easily get closer to Karkat to not take any risk, but he fears to wake him up by moving too much. So he remains static, watching his two companions in silence.

He would never have believed that someone would sleep in his bed again.

Of course, the only person who has always shared his sheets is Feferi. He remembers the evenings they used to share together... and if they were only evenings! Those times when they were younger and played with sheets and pillows to create a tent of fabric to hide in, or the afternoon naps they spent snuggled together. These memories fill him with melancholy, and slowly his heart tightens. He sighs, turns away from his two comrades to sneak out of the bed.

He knows his room by heart and manages to leave the room without worry, as stealthy as a ninja. He settles on the couch, curls up, the coolness of the night getting the better of his few clothes -a simple t-shirt and jogging pants. He takes out his phone to connect to the network, as if the late hour and fatigue were telling him to have a reminder, a reminder of why Feferi was no longer at his side.

He connects to the network. Now that the others have unblocked it, he can see their status and realizes that none of them are online. Is this really surprising? It's late, they have classes tomorrow, it's not a good time to be on their message boards.

He clicks on Feferi's profile, pulls up their messages.

From Feferi: The point was to make friends, not to make fun of mine! I was stupid, I naively believed that you would be able to behave, to make an effort, but you remain a narcissistic and obnoxious jerk!

[ ... ]

From Feferi: I don't even know why I keep trying. You don't listen, you don't care, you're so sure you're right that you're deaf to my arguments.

From Feferi: Fuck you Eridan, I don't want anything more to do with you.

The messages hurt as much as the first time. He rediscovers them, each time he rediscovers them, each time is like the first time, a new wound as sharp that doesn't heal. He remembers the little girl he used to hold his hand, who shared his laughter and tears, who comforted him. Is it really this same girl who spoke to him in this way? Who ignores him today as if he were nothing to her?

Yes, of course it is. Why is he playing the surprised one? He knows her, he knows her so well, for so many years. He's seen her angry before, they've raised their voices at each other before.

He sighs, a heavy sigh from his heart as he drops his head against the back of the sofa. He's tired but he doesn't want to go back to lying down.

His phone makes a noise, the sign of a notification. He jumps up, looks at his screen, widens his eyes. Sollux has connected to the network, sent him a message.

From Sollux: Awake?

Eridan remains a moment stupid in front of the message. Then nervously -he doesn't know why he is nervous- he answers: