The Way I Chose

A Warm Hand Melts A Hurt Heart

I feel a hand rub against the top of mine and I immediately wake from my sleep. I haven't slept so well for a long time. I actually had a beautiful dream instead of an ugly nightmare. I glance up at the person rubbing my hand. His hands are warm and soft and he smiles ever so slightly at me. I see my reflection in the mirror across the room as I start to sit up and realize how disastrous my hair is. Shane laughs at the expression on my face and I look down and grin awkwardly at the blanket then at my hand in his.

"Your hand was cold, so I thought I'd warm it up a bit for you." I have never heard a more odd excuse for holding someones hand than that one. My only reaction is to giggle. The mood I have been in today has skyrocketed to a happy mood that is out-of-this-world! I never thought someone who is suffering from cancer could still be this happy, this confident. 'Thank you Lord for guiding me through this. I will accept that you have a purpose for everything. I will trust your will alone. You have given me confidence.' I pray this quietly to myself but Shane notices what I did. I can tell by his expression that he is very happy, almost as happy as I am. I think that even for him, it is hard to imagine someone who was so broken to rejoice in their troubles. Shane takes my bible that he had given me and opens it to 1 Thessalonians 5: 16-18, " 'Rejoice always, pray without ceasing, give thanks in all circumstances; for this is the will of God in Christ Jesus for you.'" I am just so ecstatic, all I can do now is smile, no other expressions. The passage he picked fits perfectly. I hope my parents are doing the same, I hope they are rejoicing and I hope they are finally happy, just like I am finally happy.
Shane's grin fades and his eyes are shadowed. He looks at me and I can't read his eyes but it doesn't seem good.
"Draya, everyone knows at school now, it was announced. No one said nice things after that. They think you are not going to make it."
I am not surprised but I don't know what to say either. They do not know who I am anymore.
"Shane, I don't mind, let them try to hurt me, don't stand up for me, I will stand by God and he will help me." He looks relieved and I am thankful for that, I don't want him to worry about me all the time.
My mom opens the door of my hospital room. She is standing tall and proud in her black heels and her professional work attire. She greets Shane sweetly and crouches by the bed. She tells me softly that her and dad have forgiven each other, but are just friends and might stay that way. She tells me she'll give church a try and my dad wants to also. I am thankful to the Lord that this has happened, even if my parents aren't together again, they made up and that is more then what I could have asked for.
After a few more hours of rest with the company of Shane always beside my bed, the doctor comes in and notifies me that I am able to go home but will have to come in for weekly tests to make sure my cancer is gone completely. I gladly thank him for the work he has done to help me recover and Shane guides me carefully to the washroom so I can put my clothes back on instead of the hospital scrubs I've been wearing for days. He offers to carry me out of the hospital because I am still weak, but he picks me up before I can say anything to him. I lay my head on his shoulder as he takes me to his car and drives me home. I whisper softly in his ear and tell him that I wouldn't want a better friend to be by my side through all that has happened. We sit in the car in front of my house for a few awkward moments.
"Thank you," I say softly looking down at my jeans. "For everything," I grin sheepishly and blush like crazy, still staring at my jeans. I finally have the courage to face him, look in his eyes and read his expression, but he is looking at my lips. I stop breathing, naturally I look at his too, he leans in, but I flinch and turn him down. I can't even believe that I did that! He is wonderful, but I can't say that! He is amazing, but I can't say that either! We are supposed to be just friends. But maybe that will change.