The Way I Chose

Caring Recovery

I'm staring at the calendar on my dark oak bedside table and notice a few days have been crossed off. I don't know how long I have been sleeping for, but I do know it's been more than a day. I am in a room and it's still dark. Shadows jump across the closet from the movement of the curtain over the window behind the bed. I smell the freshness of a cinnamon bagel flow through my room. I glance at the clock and the time reads 6:47. I inhale softly but cough when I hold it in. My throat aches in pain and I clutch at my neck and feel the swollen skin under my head. I sit up slowly in my bed feeling well rested yet still tired from the pain. I stumble out of my bed and glance at my dresser. I grab the pain medication that I assume my mother left for me and take a regular dose before sitting on the floor. I sit on the floor so I can reach my pants drawer on the bottom of my dresser and because I can't feel my tingling legs from lying down so long. I grab a pair of light blue skinny jeans and a red and black sleeveless, plaid button-up shirt. I change slowly trying to avoid anymore pain and walk down the stairs holding the railing tightly.

I see an already made cinnamon bagel with brown sugar and margarine on the counter and dirty dishes by the dishwasher that need to be loaded. I look at the note beside the bagel.

'Have a good day, Dray. Make sure you eat enough. We hope you feel better today.'
Love~ Dad & Mom

I smile as I read the note. I guess they knew I'd wake up today and knew that I would be starving!
I grab the bagel and scarf it down as quickly as I can with a swollen throat. I wash it down with water to sooth the ache at the back of my mouth and breathe slowly and carefully. I stumble over to the granite covered island in the middle of our average size kitchen and lean myself against the edge and load the dishes my mother and father left. I assume my mother moved back in just to take care of me. I saw the guest room blankets sprawled across the bed messily and the sweet smell of her Pink Chiffon body mist. I am more than happy that they are getting along now and just to help me. God flipped the switch just like that! Though I still have many challenges ahead that God has planned for me I have to trust him completely through everything.
I hear a short knocking sound coming from the living room. A voice forms behind the front door and a smile lights up on my face as much as it can with my large throat. Shane is here.
I open the door and right away he perks up and asks me. "Are you doing okay?" I giggle at his enthusiasm and nod my head carefully. "You should sit down, 'D'. I'll help you out today. After all, it is an in-service." He guides me to the couch and gently forces me to lay down.
"Do you need anything? Like a warm drink? Or a cold drink... Whatever makes you feel better." I sigh and giggle to myself.
"Shane, you don't have to do that, I'm alright." He doesn't seem to comprehend what I had said and goes to the kitchen.
"I'll get you some orange juice." He states and I just relax knowing that he won't take no for an answer.

Before I realize it, I am tired again just from sitting around all day and I tell Shane I want to go outside and get some fresh air. He agrees without question and he grabs my jacket for me and helps me get it on. He motions for me to go out the door as he holds it open. Such a gentleman! We walk down the sidewalk towards the park and he steps close to me to make sure I don't trip. As clumsy as I am, I always find a way to wind up on the ground and I tumble over a root hiding in the grass as we walk through the green park. He catches me by the back with his right hand and grabs my hand with his left.
"Watch where you're going, 'D'. We don't need anything else to happen to you." He chuckles and I know that he is teasing me for my clumsiness. He props me straight up again but this time he grabs my left hand with his right and holds it tightly. As he squeezes a little my heart races and I know the butterflies have awakened inside of my stomach and are fluttering around faster than my heart beats. I press myself closer to his arm as we walk and I smile when I know God has protected me and granted me with him so he will protect me.

I tell him that my legs are hurting and we find a bench to sit down on. He sits quietly for a long moment, then breathes gently but heavily as if he was holding the air in for a minute. I glance down at our hands and see them joined, finger through finger from when we were walking. He twitches and I can tell he is fidgety. I process my flying thoughts and wonder whether Shane likes me or not. He's still holding my hand, so does that mean he does? Or is he just watching out for me just like a big brother should. But I wouldn't know because I am an only child. I try to capture my thoughts before they scurry off and I end up thinking out loud. "Does Shane like me?" I speak in a hard-to-understand mumble, freezing as I realize I spoke and he looks down at me and smirks.

"What was that?" I think he knows what I said by his tone of voice but I can never be too sure so I just shrug it off.

"Nothin', just thinking out loud again, I guess." As embarrassing as it sounds, it really was hard to mask how uncool it is to think out loud, especially when they are thoughts about a boy; thoughts I have never had before because I hated everyone especially when they made my life miserable. But am I really having a love life? I thought it never would exist. I thought it was only in movies. God has granted me things I've only dreamed of, and watched on TV. A warm tingling feeling sparks at my insides and I have never felt such a special feeling, a special comfort from God, even from Shane.

Shane is still staring at me like I have feathers sticking out of my head. Yet, I am not surprised at his expression.

"'D', I heard what you said," he starts chuckling again and I know I am not on a good road. Here comes the awkwardness of my thoughts mixing with reality. 'Dray! He likes you, he's going to say it! Be cool. He heard what you said!'
"Shut up!" I blew it again. Shane looks shocked and he moves away on the bench immediately.
"Shane, I didn't mean you, I'm so sorry." Great! My conscience ruined everything. "I'm so sorry." I must have an expression on my face of a dog begging. But I'm begging for forgiveness not a treat.
"Draya, are you okay?" He comes closer again and I notice he relaxes. He knows I can't get mad at him. I start to nod but I shake my head quickly because I know I would be lying. Shane pulls me closer before the tears rise and pour. I nuzzle my head into his shoulder and he has his arm around me tight as if he's protecting me from my own thoughts.

Shane breaks the silence and he turns towards me and pulls one leg on to the bench and I do the same but facing him. I don't know what he is doing and I am kind of upset that he pulled away.

"Draya," he begins and he takes a deep breath.