The Way I Chose

Shattered Glass

After days of recovery and rest at home my dad tells me I have to go to school. I didn't want to because I don't know what to expect. I thought my life was ruined in the past. I new exactly what to expect at school. I was doing okay in my classes, but I'm probably very behind now considering I missed about a month of school. I gather my things from my room after breakfast and comb out my long dark hair, keeping it straight but pinning back my bangs so I don't have to hide behind them anymore. I look at my mirror, the mirror I poured my soul and nightmares and memories into. The mirror I stared at for hours, crying my eyes out. The mirror with wooden old oak trim, this is the mirror that I am done using for my sorrow, for my suicidal thoughts. I pick up my brush from on my dresser and throw it hard at my mirror. The glass shatters into hundreds of pieces and I run out of my room to wait for my mom to pick me up for school.
"Draya, what on earth was that noise?" He is confused, but I don't blame him, he doesn't understand.
"Could you get rid of my broken mirror for me, please? I don't need it, nor do I need a new one. Thanks dad!"
My dad looks at me still confused but he shrugs it off and goes back to drinking his coffee. I run outside and jump into my moms car. It's so nice not to walk to school for once.
She greets me and asks me how I am doing with the recovery, I tell her I'm okay but the doctor says I should not think it's completely over.

As I step out of my moms car, I carefully lay my feet on the sidewalk in front of the school that once tortured me, and probably still will. I take a deep breath, trusting God will make it all go well, but it's his plan, not mine. I slowly pace myself as I walk into the school. I hold my head high and ignore all the taunting chants they are yelling at me. They are all laughing at me, but I should be used to it. My head falls slowly. 'Stop it Draya!' I mutter to myself, 'be strong'. I remember a passage from Joshua 1:9b "be strong and courageous, do not be frightened or dismayed for the Lord God Almighty will be with you." I stand tall, strong, and proud to be a child of God as I continue to stroll down the hallway to my locker. My conscience gets excited, 'I can't wait to see Shane! I haven't seen him in a week!' A large grin slips on to my face. 'Wait, No, Stop, you can't think about that, he is not your boyfriend, he is a boy-friend, guy friend, friend who is a guy. Get that through your head!' I bang my head on my locker to shut the voice inside my head up. Someone touches my shoulder and asks if I'm alright. Oh perfect...
"I'm good, Shane, just trying to ignore everyone who is laughing at me, the usual." He starts laughing.
"Why were you banging your head on your locker?" He is still chuckling. I nudge his shoulder with my hand.
"Uh, no reason," I have a fake look plastered on my face and I know he does not believe me. 'Be cool, Draya, cool.' "I can't be cool!" I froze. Cooler than I thought I'd be. I had just said that out loud for no reason. 'Initiating panic mode in 5...'
"Are you sure you're okay?" He's still grinning at me. '4...'
'He's so cute when he smiles,' '3...'
"You need to sit down, Dray." He guides me with his hand on my back, my lower back... '2...'
We sit down on a bench near the cafeteria door and he gives me some water from his water bottle. '1...'
I take a sip, stiffen, drop the water bottle, and crumple off the bench towards the floor.
"Draya!" He catches me by my back with his arm and helps me sit up straight. 'Boom!'

"I'm okay!" I yell and sit up realizing I'm in the nurses office. I ask her what happened.
"Well, you fainted and I can't figure out why. You were carried in like a bride by the young man waiting outside the room. He told me you just collapsed for no reason. I think you are fine, dear." She grabs a damp cloth. "Hold this to your forehead for a little while. You are free to go." She opens the door and Shane stands immediately.
"I don't think you were okay when you said you were." I sigh and quietly reply.
"Just a lot going on in my head."
"What about?" He is curious, I don't think I want him to be curious, but he is so caring, sweet, cute. 'Shut up girl! You said it yourself you just want to be friends.'
"Uhm, nothin'." I lied. What else was I supposed to say though? I can't let a boy drive me crazy.
I'm happy when he shrugs off the topic.
"Are you able to walk? Or are you going to stumble everywhere?" He smiles at me, he's just teasing me.
"I can walk, I just hope no one thinks I'm drunk." We both laugh at this but he puts his arm around my lower back and picks up my legs anyway. Here come the butterflies again, probably one of the main causes of me fainting. I just hope I don't think out loud again. "He'd think I'm crazy then!"
"I know you're crazy," he replied. 'You just did it again stupid! Watch what you're doing or you might say you like him!' "I do not like him that way!" He looks at me puzzled.
"Uhm, ignore me," he is still questioning me, but I just lay my head on his shoulder and ignore all his questions which takes a lot of concentration.
Shane brings me to my class and I thank him for helping me. People are staring, saying horrible things to me, even to him. I didn't ask for that! He sure doesn't deserve it. Everyone is looking at me now, my face has probably lit up as bright as a tomato. But I will not stand for anymore of this taunting! I build up the confidence to stand out, stand up on my desk and speak from my mind.