The Way I Chose

Our Help Comes From

I slouch past another day of school. If people would stop hurting others, and stop hurting me, I'd actually like school, I'd like to learn instead of being teased and threatened. What gives people the courage and reason to hurt someone who has never done anything to them, who is just a dorky loner, and depressed person.

I meet Shane as he asked me to and we find ourselves a private table in the library. He starts asking me about my problems, then stops, realizing the list will go on for a long time.

"You must trust me, trust my God. You must believe and he will save you."

"Shane, I am trying to trust you, but I don't know you and I don't believe that anyone can help me. This has no end for me. I just don't believe there is help and hope left for me." I can't look him in the eyes.

"I know you are trying to help me, but I've lost hope so you should too. I'm sorry." I rise from my seat and walk to the exit of the library, past the skyscraper-like bookshelves lining the carpeted floor of the grand room. All I hope is that whatever I am dealing with doesn't effect my mid-term exams that I will have to write soon. But of course it will, these thoughts and problems don't just leave when you want them to. They stay with you for a very long time and I've lost almost all hope in fixing them. My mind can't stop repeating these thoughts and it is driving me insane.

I do wonder what would happen if I listened to Shane. Maybe my life would change. Maybe it would turn out well, but there is always the risk that it will turn out wrong and I don't think I am willing to take that chance.

I proceed walking home, though I wish I didn't have to walk everyday. But I like to look at anything that changes; the sky, with its many shades of blue like a sheet covering the earth. It is so beautiful, along with the trees changing colour, green to yellow and orange to brown as they fall to the ground. The signs showing that winter is coming. Yet at that thought I think of the stomach-turning exams coming at the beginning of winter which wrecks my first peaceful thought in weeks.

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I read my messages again, though I only have one new message. Interestingly it is from Shane. I read it over in my head a few times; you may have given up, but I haven't and I will not.

Why won't he just give up? Why is he so eager to help me? Why did I not get any more messages today? Did he pray for me or something? I doubt it, I doubt everything, yet why do I still listen to this guy? So many questions that I can't answer but he might be able to. I message him back saying; Help me please, I need someone to answer my questions.

Shane comes up to me and taps me on my shoulder as I grab my books from my locker.

"You are not alone", he whispers near my ear, and I smile a little at this. It is a warm feeling. I look up into his sparkling eyes for a moment but I have no words. I do not know what to say to him, I just give him the usual straight-faced nod and turn on my heels to speed to my next class.

I walk into the cafeteria at lunch and set my lunch down on the farthest table away from the door. I bite into my ham and cheese sandwich, which I have everyday but I never get tired of it. I zone out over the repetitive thoughts circling my mind, including the ones about Shane. He is a different guy, he is a Christian, but I always thought they were the same as everyone else. He does seem different because of his religion and he is going to show me why. He is going to help me somehow, and I have to trust him, and trust his God.

Shane approaches the table I am at and his grin is a very foolish grin. I have never tried to get to know anyone and I guess I am going to have to get to know him. All these changes are starting to get to me, they are driving me crazy.

"I don't know where to begin." He states while scratching the back of his neck. He hands me a book that was tucked under his elbow while he carried his lunch. I examine the leather cover, and the gold letters spelling out BIBLE on the front. I open the book and flip through the thin pages of double columns with small printing. I smooth down the pages with my fingers and close the book, still looking down at it.

"The Bible?" I ask questioningly, which was dumb because it had the title printed right on the front.

"Yes, I want to read it with you, I want to show you what it means. I want you to understand it." He is still smiling, but his eyes tell me that he wants me to accept what he'll show me, that he is curious of my answer.

All I do is nod and his shoulders drop and his expression tells me he is grateful for my answer. He takes the book from my hand and opens it up to a passage and points to the verses he wants me to read.

Matthew 6: 9-15

"This, then, is how you should pray:

" 'Our Father in heaven, hallowed be your name, your kingdom come, your will be done on earth as it is in heaven. Give us today our daily bread. Forgive us our debts, as we also have forgiven our debtors. And lead us not into temptation, but deliver us from the evil one.'

For if you forgive men when they sin against you, your heavenly Father will also forgive you. But if you do not forgive men their sins, your Father will not forgive your sins.' "

He looks at me as I finish off the text, and I realize my eyes are teary. I have never read or heard something so...so...I don't know a word to describe it. Jesus said this?

"What does it mean?" I ask him, though I don't know if he knows how to answer.

"It shows how powerful God is, it says His kingdom will have no end. It does not mean the earthly kingdom it means the eternal kingdom. God is omnipresent, He is everywhere and hears our prayers, He provides for us day by day and we must thank Him for that. He is a merciful God, He is very gracious and He forgives ours sins though they are many. We must pray that He will deliver us and help us overcome sin, and the devil in this temporary life on earth." He stops, and stares at me. I realize that I must look very overwhelmed. So much to take in, in one passage of the Bible. I still have to process all of it, but at least I am starting to understand. I want to learn more, but not right now. I have just taken in more teachings than I have ever in school. It already means so much to me, but I have to process it for now.