Leaving my love behind

Chapter 33

Derek's POV:

Saying I was nervous was an understatement I was internally freaking out, this is the first time Ellis is meeting me as the father of her grandchildren, Meredith's boyfriend I was beyond nervous for what her expression of me will be it can't be as bad as Meredith makes out for it to be? Right?

Before the accident and even before Meredith left for Michigan, she never really talked about her mother only that Ellis wasn't a mother more of someone who came and went as she pleased. So it's safe to say by Meredith agreeing to let Ellis come and visit was very big of her despite her not being able to verbally express how she felt.

"Ahhh you must be the cab driver picking me up."

Wrong I'm Derek Shepherd, you talked to me on the phone.

"Uh no Dr. Grey, I'm Derek Shepherd, we talk on the phone I'm Meredith's boyfriend. And this is Eliza Ellis Grey Shepherd and Amelia Jade Shepherd, you're granddaughters."

"Oh, you named one after me?"

"Well yea, Meredith wanted to at least one family name in each girl's full name, and we thought Eliza's name went best with Ellis."

"Well, that's quite an honor. So are we going to visit Meredith or go straight to the house?"

"If you would like we can see Meredith first."

"I would like that, I need to say some things to her."

Well, that went better than I would have expected.

//

Meredith's POV:

I wasn't able to sleep at all last night I couldn't turn my mind off, I was panicking about my mother coming, worrying over how the girls are doing, and worrying about Derek and how he is holding up, I know he is feeling guilty for not finding me sooner and I can't have him tearing himself apart for something he couldn't control.

But I guess the real reason is that the attack still plays in my head the medication helps but it doesn't get rid of the nightmares, the flashbacks, but it helps and that's all the matters. I just wish there was a way I could have avoided it.

The moment I have been dreading is here, my mother is here and I can hear what Derek is telling her.

Derek- "So she may be asleep, she can hear you but she can't speak as her jaw is wired shut as it was broken. So just be patient with her she will reply by the whiteboard."

Ellis- "Ok-okay."

She sounds heartbroken and sympathetic, there was no resentment in her voice there was love.

.....

"Meredith."

I smile as a response I figure it isn't worth writing a singular word down.

"I know you can't speak at the moment, but I wanted to say I've met the girls and they are both so beautiful and I'm sorry for telling you that you were throwing your life away. And I'm sorry for not being there when you needed me but I'm here now hoping you will have me."

I'm shocked the great Ellis Grey has just apologized for being an absent mother, maybe she has changed, maybe this is her trying and if she is trying that means I have to at least try for this to work too.

I don't know what to say in response, what should I say, thanks for the apology? Sure you can be in my life?

Uh sure

Derek- "Meredith, you have to say more than sure, she had flown all the way here to see you."

I roll my eyes because God, Derek may be dreamy but he can be annoying when he wants to be, being able to see through me. It's not fair

Well, I don't what to say, I'm shocked.

Ellis- "Meredith, I know it shouldn't have taken an accident to realize how absent I've been throughout the years but it has and I want to try, I want to try and make this a relationship we should have had, a relationship with your mother you deserved as a child."

This is definitely not the type of speech I thought I would receive from my mother and I'm speechless, I don't know what to write.

Derek- "Ellis, do you want me to show you where Dr. Webber is so you can catch up and I can take the girls to daycare. Mer I will come back so we can talk."

Ellis- "Oh that would be lovely to see Richard is."

Once again I roll my eyes at Derek and once again he doesn't miss it.

Derek- "Meredith I will be back and if you keep rolling your eyes, they are going to get stuck there."

And on cue, I roll my eyes once more.

//

Derek's POV:

"Ellis, I'm sorry for how Meredith is acting I know she can't speak considering but she should have replied to you via whiteboard."

"Derek, you clearly don't know my daughter, she is avoiding having to have that conversation with both of us. Right now she will be finding a way to leave her room to avoid the conversation you are about to have with her, I'm used to the eye rolls and Derek I deserve it I've been a crap mother to her, I deserve all of it, no need to apologize."

Ellis says she knows Meredith, but she doesn't know she avoids situations because of her.

"Uh Richard's office is just down the hall, page me once you are ready to go to the house."

"Okay, see you around, oh and Derek thank you for bringing light into Meredith's eyes. It had been gone for a while, and you have brought it back it's been a long time coming."

Meredith's POV:

I am beyond bored I want to leave this room but I can't guarantee that he won't be back out there waiting for me, waiting to repeat the events.

"Grey, Grey. You need to breathe okay, breathe your blood pressure is high."

I was so focused on it happening again I didn't notice my alarms blaring signaling that I was having another panic attack, I was so focused I didn't even notice when Bailey rushed in. My mind is set on the fact he is going to come back, and all the memories rush through my head making me relive each and every hit.

"Grey listen to me you're okay, you're okay and if you don't breathe I am going to have to cut your wires or sedate you, you don't want that do you?"

I see her mouth moving but I can't process the words that are leaving her lips all I can hear is the words that he said that night.

*flashback*

"You should have listened to me."

"You stupid bitch."

Then I switch to how I was feeling before the attack.

I felt worthless and unlovable and maybe I did deserve this.

*End of flashback.*

I haven't even noticed that tears were now streaming down my face making my vision blurry and then I hear a snip, and another snip, and I can breathe, I can finally breathe.

Mark- "Miranda what the hell did you just do!"

Hi everyone tbh I don't know if this chapter made any sense at all but oh well here we are, but I do hope you enjoyed it I'm planning on wrapping this up at some point but there are still points in the story I want to expand on. I am going to try and update more just so I get it further along and I can publish my next book cause I am really looking forward to seeing what you all think of it :)

If you did like this chapter don't forget to vote and comment :)

Have a great day

-Cerys