Leaving my love behind

Chapter 51

A little bit of a time jump by a few days.

Derek's POV:

We spent a week in New York with the majority of my family, and in all honestly, I was surprised at how well my sisters treated Meredith, but I couldn't be happier that they were finally showing kindness. While we were over I had many conversations with Ma about proposing to Meredith, she was ecstatic but also hesitant about how quick it was, but I knew when I first met Mer she was the one for me. 

Today's the day, today's the day I'm asking Meredith to marry me. I've been planning this for a while now, I know it's sudden but when you have the person you want to spend the rest of your life with, soon isn't soon enough when it comes to love.

I don't want to make an extreme gesture as I know that isn't Meredith, but I do want to make it special, intimate, and unique to Mer and me. I think I know just what that is.

I continue to sleep, to grab more time to plan how I'll ask Meredith to marry me, I hope she says yes. She's the love of my life.

Meredith's POV:

Urgh, the twins kept me up all night, key word in my sentence is ME, Derek sleeps through it all, which sucks because now I have to go to work with less sleep than I had hoped for. I turn over to look at Derek, he looks so peaceful, with no care for the outer world, I wish I could shut my brain off. Instead, I'm sleep-deprived and over-analysing everything.

I don't want anything to change from how it is currently, Derek, Eliza, Amelia and I—my newly formed family. 

I didn't think I could ever be a mum, I mean I didn't have an amazing role model to follow in the footsteps of but I like to think that I'm breaking the cycle of poor and absent mothers. I'm going to rewrite my story so my girls can grow and know they are loved, so they know that no matter what I won't ever put my job before them, I'll be different, I have to be different from my mother. I have to at least try.

I need to shut my brain off, I need to stop doubting myself and my mothering abilities, I think I need to go for a run, normally I would participate in what some would call day drinking. But I'm a mother now, I cannot spend my days drinking away the toxic thoughts that repeat within me.

I've been recovering from my attack for a while now, I feel well enough to jog and I've been cleared to go back to work later this morning. I still have to see a therapist and I'm not excited about that side of recovery but I need to commit to it for myself, for Derek, for Eliza, and for Amelia. I need to be the best person physically, emotionally, and mentally for them.

I quietly slip out of Derek's grasp, get into my workout yoga pants and prepare for my run.

Derek's POV:

Meredith I assume left to go for a run before we head into work later on today, she is under strict orders not to work long hours, overwork herself and take breaks if she is feeling sore or over-whelmed. I know she's been cleared back to work, but I can't help but worry. It feels like I have this constant lump in my throat and this weight on my chest whenever I begin to relive the horror Mer went through. I'm petrified that she's going to come into work today, and I won't be next to her to protect her all the time. I don't want to lose her, not again.

But today is going to be special, today I will ask Meredith to become my wife. But first I need to breathe, take a moment and get Eliza and Amelia dressed for nursery.

//

Derek's POV: 

It was a quiet ride to the hospital, Meredith seemed in her world, and I seemed to be on my own. 
My mind was wracking over how to propose whereas I suspect Mer's was wracking with nerves for coming back to work.