What If..... [L.S]

15

Pov Harry

I went home after the rejection. I didn't do anything that day, just lied in bed and ate with my family because I had to. It was quiet and not like anything that I am used to since that little loud british man came back in our lives.

I felt miserable, why wouldn't he tell me the reason he needed us? I know he told my mother and I know there is so much more to the story than I know. But how can they all go behind my back like that. I am also involved in this, right?

It's like everything in my life happens around me, without me. I have always known that Louis was having troubles, but never what the troubles were. Even after I helped him through a difficult year he would never tell me more than that there was a lot of 'trouble' in his live.

Oliver also had a lot of other things going around when he was supposed to be with me. And besides that I have never seen or heard from him after that time when he was pinned against a wall with Louis' dick inside of him. I know he moved on quick and easy, not bothered about my feelings at all.

And it all seems to replay, all of those unfinished things coming back in flashes. With Louis looking miserable, only a small smile on his lips when he was with me, Oliver being nice but also sneaky and doing things behind my back that I was to blind to take notice of. The memories being too much to handle all at once.

I had locked them away for a reason.

But I can't keep that lock on them forever apparently. The weight being more then I can take.

My eyes overflow and tears are rolling down my cheeks, my hands start to shake, mind running with images. My brain is going too many miles an hour, almost spinning with the images that are flashing past my eyes.

I see me and Louis,

I see Louis slowly slipping away,

I see Louis unconscious in my arms in the school hallways,

His mother laying in a hospital bed totally worn out,

I see Oliver hiding things that I was to blind to notice at the moment,

I see Oliver and Louis,

I see that bathroom,

I feel my heart shatter all over, maybe even harder than it did back then. But I don't even know if that is possible.

The whole situation finally sinking in after 5 years of locking it away. 5 years of trying to forget, 5 years of more misery, 5 years of hard work and fucking around, 5 years of ruining myself for some stupid boys.

5 missed years.

How can I still care about all these little things, I need to stop caring. I stopped caring a long time ago, why is it coming back!

My sobs get louder, my hands shaking harder, heartbeat picking up and I am breaking down completely.

Never have I felt panic taking over my body like this. I wanna scream, but I can't.

"Harry?"

I don't have time to recognize who is walking inside, feeling arms wrap around my shaking body.

"What happened?" I am faced with Gemma, but unable to speak with the panic flowing through my veins. I wrap my arms around her and lay my head on her shoulder, crying, sobbing, shaking and internally screaming, hoping someone would hear me.

She gently goes through my hair or draws circles on my back. It's calming, exactly what I needed after all those memories.

We stay like this until I am calmed down to a level where I am able to speak again. She gives me some space, but doesn't let go of me completely.

"Can you tell me what happened?" She asks carefully.

"I don't think I know it myself."

"You really scared me. Is it about Louis?" She has this magic gift just like our mother. Somehow they always know exactly what is wrong.

"I think...." I wasn't completely sure I could say it was because of him, I just feel miserable and like I failed, not only with him but in general. But there is no way I'm telling her that.

"Yesterday just triggered some emotions that were buried deep inside of me, is all." I see that she wants to know more, she always needs to know more, but lets it slide, knowing that's the better option in this situation.

A knock on the door makes us turn to it and our mother walks in.

"Louis just came back, thought you might wanted to know." A weight lifts of my shoulders, knowing he is back and not staying alone at Zayn's place or going back to his own house.

"Finally." I sigh, knowing it took way to long for him to just get his ass back here, even if it was just a day.

"That's a whole different reaction than two weeks ago. Why the change of heart?" My mother looks at me weirdly, knowing she expected a completely different reaction from me.

"Doesn't matter, I'm just glad he is safe again." I can't tell her exactly why I am happy he is here. I don't know how much she knows and if she doesn't know any of it, I don't wanna be the person to tell her.

But knowing that he would stay all alone in that big house was giving me the chills. But knowing he needed to go back to his family was even worse.

He could've been in a lot of trouble if he went back, maybe his sisters still are in trouble at his house.

It breaks my heart thinking about all of this. So I have to make it my mission to talk to him and help them as best as I can.

//

Sorry, Hazz <3.

What do you think of Harry's change of heart?

Predictions?