Now I See You | ✓

Nine

On Friday morning, I'm greeted with a swirling pit in my stomach. Lying in bed, glaring at the blemishes on the ceiling that are so obvious in the morning light that spills through the curtains, I conclude that the last thing I want to do today is go to class.

The thing is, that I just know Mason's name is going to get dragged and I imagine that by association, I'll get bad looks too. Granted, it probably won't be that many, considering not that many people will necessarily be aware of my friendship with Mason, but still.

I'm exhausted anyway and my brain hurts from the incessant thinking I've been doing all night when I couldn't sleep, so I'm not exactly sure that I could really concentrate in class.

Vaguely, I hear movement around the apartment. When there's a crash and a huff of irritation, I deduce that it's got be Manal, being clumsy as usual.

I'm grateful, then, when there's a soft knock on my door.

Quietly, I call out for her to enter and she slips into the room, crosses the space between us and gets into bed with me. Her arms wind tightly around me and she holds me close.

"Hey," I murmur.

"Morning, Judah," she whispers into my shoulder. "Just wanted to come and see how you're doing. Yesterday was rough."

I hum low in my throat, but to be honest, I don't really want to talk about it. Not yet. It still feels like I'm spinning in an unknown direction. "Thanks for checking."

She sighs quietly, getting the message. "I'm sorry about how Josie and I reacted last night, Judah. I think we were a bit pushy and I'm sorry about that. Of course, it's taking you time to figure everything out. I get it."

Her words bring a little comfort, because it did hurt a bit yesterday, when I just wasn't sure what to do with myself and they were acting as though I should be certain that he did it.

In fairness, I can totally see where they were coming from, and they probably just weren't expecting the reaction they got. When you're not in a situation, it's so easy to see things differently, but when it's your oldest friend who's been accused of sexual assault, of course you're confused.

I take a deep breath. "I get it. You've never liked him."

Manal doesn't bother protesting at my blunt words. "Doesn't mean we should have reacted the way we did, though. You've always liked him, so obviously this is tough."

"I think it'd be different if we hadn't known each other for so long, or if we hadn't been so close," I try desperately to explain. "But it's so confusing. He's had my back forever, he's always been there and, sure, he has his faults, but..."

She just grips me tighter, telling me without words that she's here.

"Is, um, does Josie feel the same way as you?" I ask in a quiet voice, petrified of my housemate's answer. "It's all kind of come at once."

I'm pretty scared that Josie's livid with me, because just yesterday we were talking about the fact that a professor made a pass at her, but here I am, uncertain about whether I believe the accuser or the accused.

"She's not angry with you," Manal murmurs quietly. "I think she's just dealing with what happened to her, you know? It's hard."

My gut wrenches with sympathy, with grief, with fury.

It all feels so unfair.

"I talked to Zeb last night. He told me that he's always thought Mason hasn't ever been as great as I always did," I whisper into the dark, vulnerably. "He thinks I had it wrong this whole time, that Mason's been hiding his true self from me for years."