Now I See You | ✓

Eighteen

My first counselling session, two days after the bombshell about having to attend and testify at a hearing about Mason, couldn't have come at a better time.

I talked through all the moral implications of getting involved with the hearing at length with Zeb, trying to figure out the best solution for it. If I were to turn up and tell the truth, I'd be throwing Mason under the bus, probably, which would hurt like all hell, no matter what he's done. But, it's not like I could lie.

We tossed around the idea of just not attending, of refusing to cooperate, but I'm not sure I like the moral implication of that either, because what if my testimony of his character is important? What if it changes things?

So, it's probably a good thing to discuss with my counsellor. I'm supposed to attend a meeting with the guy who phoned on Monday, to talk through what I'd have to do at the hearing, so I've got the weekend to decide what I want to do.

Still, I spend all of Friday morning with my knee bouncing up and down while I'm in class, hardly able to concentrate on the sketching I'm supposed to be doing.

My mind's in a completely different world, as I wonder what it's going to be like. Am I going to like my counsellor? Is it actually going to be good for me? Will they understand why I'm feeling the way that I am?

Or will I fail to communicate my true feelings? What if they think that I'm just being dramatic, or making it up, or just not take me seriously?

That scares me more than anything else, I think.

I take the bus into downtown Vancouver, because it never seemed sensible to have a car here. Mason always insisted on driving me places, plus I had Manal offering to give me lifts if he couldn't.

Anyway, it's not like I do a huge amount that means I'd have use of a car. Pretty much everything I need is on campus, anyway.

So, I sit on the bus that seems to take an age, but flash past all in the same moment. I'm beyond nervous, my stomach threatening to throw up my lunch right on top of the man sitting in front of me.

Luckily, I keep it together, but only just. By the time I get off at my stop, my head is spinning a little and my belly feels heavy.

Maybe this isn't worth it. If I'm going to feel like this before I've even got there, maybe it's a sign that it's not right for me, that it isn't going to work.

But then I imagine the looks on Manal and Josie's faces when I admit that I got all the way to the outside of the building before turning back. Not to mention the lecture Zeb would give me for changing my mind in the heat of the moment.

I take a deep breath, glancing up at the intimidating building in front of me, willing my feet to just step forwards and carry me towards the door.

It takes me three attempts to the read the sign in the lobby directing me to the floor for the counselling service. It seems to be a regular office building, with different floors for different companies.

Even though I don't want to go and would probably rather drag the time out, I still take the lift to the third floor because I just hate stairs that much.

There's a receptionist waiting for me, with a bright smile on her face that threatens to blind me in my cloudy demeanour. "Hello," she greets me.

I crack a nervous smile, stomach simmering dangerously. "Hi. My name's Judah Young and I'm here for a four o'clock appointment."

She glances at her computer, taking her time to review whatever's in front of her and then turns her face back to me, her happy expression not dimming in the slightest.