Now I See You | ✓

Fourteen

I'm a little all over the place for the whole of the following week. I can't really seem to get myself in order, or to find the motivation to do much at all.

There's a darkness lingering over my head, threading its way into my mind and I don't know what to do about it.

I also really struggle to justify it. It wasn't me on the end of either Mason or Chad's sexual abuse. It's not all that relevant to me, really, other than the fact that Mason and I are friends.

Somehow, though, no matter how hard I try, I just can't get it out of my head. It feels wrong, to feel so affected by something that hasn't happened to me, but I just can't seem to help it.

I always thought Mason was wonderful, that he treated me really well, that he was a great guy. Is it so wrong to be reeling from the thought that maybe I've been wrong all along? If my closest friend is not actually who I've always sworn he has been, what does that make him? What does that make me?

Aubin's question about whether he'd done anything to me really rattled me. I can't even imagine what might have happened if he had.

The thought makes my stomach queasy.

I spend a lot of the week in my head, completely unaware of what's happening around me, like I'm in a trance.

Which would explain why I'm not really paying attention to where I'm going on Thursday on my walk home after class and I accidentally walk smack-bang into Ezri.

We both freeze, wide eyes locking in a really awkward stand-off.

I've always had a good relationship with Ezri, but I suddenly find myself in muddy waters. I have no idea where he's standing on the whole situation, whether he thinks Chad and Mason are guilty, or whether he's jumping on the bandwagon that the rest of the frat are, posting pictures online and telling people that they're completely innocent.

"Hi, Judah," he starts carefully, shifting on his feet. "How have you been?"

I swallow, glancing away. "Fine, thank you. How about you?"

He bobs his head up and down, crossing his arms over his chest. "Also fine. Um, I'm guessing all this must be pretty crazy for you."

It's hard to tell what he means. Is he saying that the realisation my best friend is a rapist is crazy, or does he think they're just false accusations?

I find myself desperate to know, but I just don't know how to ask. "Uh, yeah," I nod. "I guess the frat aren't taking it well."

Ezri pauses, eyes narrowing. "You guess? I thought you'd have been his first line of defence."

Multiple things strike me as completely strange about that statement. Surely, Ezri's noticed that I've not been around the frat this whole week, so why is he surprised that I'm not defending Mason? And why hasn't he said his name?

It's maybe dangerous territory, to admit to one of Mason's frat brothers that I think he's guilty, but I don't want to accidentally look like I'm defending him. Not now.

So, I take a deep breath and shake my head. "No. I, uh, haven't spoken to him since I found out."

There's a long pause, while Ezri scrutinises me, looking pretty pensive. Eventually, he nods, his face softening a little. "That must be rough."

I nod, but I don't know what else to say.

"I left the frat," he blurts out then, his face twisted a little in pain.

Surprise rushes through me, because that's honestly the last thing I expected. Everyone in the frat has rallied behind both of them, showing real support. It explains why he didn't know that I haven't been speaking to Mason, but it still catches me off-guard.