ASSIMILATE

trying so

With her absence, you assumed she was just upset about whatever guy she was talking about earlier. You went to go grab your food off the counter and sit at the table.

Just as you were getting comfortable, you received another call that you could feel in your back pocket. You grabbed your phone and saw that it was your mother again, you answered it because if you didn't then all hell would break loose.

"Hello-?"

"Why aren't you studying to become a doctor?! And why do you have a 97 in philosophy?! It's not enough, we are disappointed in you y/n," your father shouted into your mom's phone, he wasn't all that great with technology.

"I don't think a 97 is that bad...it's the second-highest in the class!" You explained quickly before even opening your to-go box.

"Second highest?! People who place second are the first to fail. Score higher," he rudely hung up the phone and you just sat there for a moment.

Today was just horrible all around, you sighed as you stood up and put the food back into the fridge. You no longer had a hunger for food but instead just a desire to make your parents happy so they would leave you alone for once.

You grabbed a banana so you could eat on the way to the library and the umbrella on your way out the door. You shut the dorm door behind you as you bit into the banana and locked the door.

"Y/n?" A voice interrupted from your right side, down the hall.

You turned your head and saw Armin approach, you looked at him and put your keys back into your pocket after he got your attention.

"Yes?"

"Sorry about Hitch. I didn't know she'd just burst in-"

"No, it's fine. I have to get to the library so excuse me," you gave him a soft smile as you looked behind him at the door down the hall.

"Are things going to be awkward between us now? And weren't you at the library two days ago?" He asks while staring.

"They won't be awkward unless you make it awkward and yeah I know but I have more studying to do. Completely new methods," you stated as you walked around him and down the hall.

You didn't want things to be awkward either but there was too much going on in your head to deal with the situation correctly.  You walked out to go to the library and when you go there you grabbed a coffee and the specific books you needed.

Instead of taking notes you tried a new method and just read everything in the books and wrote down what you retained. You still didn't want to give in to using Eren's method so you found a different way and decided to use that after sitting down with the books stacked up next to you.

You just wanted a chance to breathe but as you were reading you began to wonder who you even were without school. If you didn't have your mind, what did you have? A constant worry if you were funny enough, did you have an interesting personality? What is it that made you, you?

That was the hardest thing about thriving off of academics and validity from it, you never knew yourself well enough because all you valued yourself as all depended on a test score.

It started off as just trying to please your parents because a 99 wasn't enough for them, as you got older it started to develop into a 99 not even being enough for you either.

"Excuse me? We're closing up for the night..." a worker interrupted as they tapped you on the shoulder.

You furrowed your brows in disbelief and looked at your phone. You'd be reading and completely lost in your work for four hours, it was ten PM and the worker took the books from you after you handed them to her.