After the Storm- JJ Maybank (Outer Banks)

19.

Big John had left without any notice over three months ago. John B was beginning to think that he had found what he had been looking for, but without any word back, it was getting harder and harder for him to understand what was happening.

"He's not dead, okay?" John B laid across the couch, his head in my lap.

I combed through his long curls with my fingers as he sighed.

"I know he isn't, but it's more than okay to be upset about it."

He was trying to hide the tears that were beginning to form in his eyes. But, I continued to stroke his hair, giving him a warm smile. I leaned down and kissed his forehead. The tears rolled down his cheeks but he turned his face so I couldn't see.

"You don't have to hide from me. It's okay, JB. You're my best friend. I'm not going to ever judge you, it's okay to cry." I turn his face so he faced me again.

"I just want him to be back. I miss him."

"I miss him too, he'll be back soon."

I leaned back, continuing to support John B as he cried into me. JJ and Pope had been by a few times in the past few weeks but I saw less and less of them. I hadn't seen Kie since Big John first left. I was unsure of what was all happening, it was odd. Time passed and John B had fallen asleep in my lap. I didn't want to move, risk waking him up or bothering him. I just laid back, looking up to the ceiling. I closed my eyes, listening to the light tapping of the rain on the roof.

I kept my eyes closed for a while, until I felt something above me. I opened my eyes slightly and saw a floppy haired JJ above me. He put his hand over my mouth to keep my from screaming because he scared the hell out of me. His other hand went to his mouth, telling me to be quiet with a huge smile spread across his smug face.

"You scared the living shit out of me, JJ. Where the hell have you been?" I peeled his hand from my mouth, throwing it to the side.

"Just around. I can't stand the feeling of this place right now, so- sad and ugh." He rolled his eyes.

"JJ, we have to be here for him."

"We are. He's just gonna have to accept his dad is gone, and he's probably never coming back."

"What the hell? Why would you say that? About your best friend?"

"I'm fully supportive of him but he's gotta let go and continue moving on."

"You have no idea how it feels for someone to just disappear and you don't know why."

He stood frozen for a moment, realizing what he had said. My father had been gone for six months. I had been living with John B since then practically, I did go home every so often. Most of the time it was when my mother was gone. I had gone back a few times and she dug into me, but nothing will top the night he left.

"Rach, I'm sorry. I-"

"Just save it. I'm supporting him. Big John might be dead but either way, I'm not leaving his side. He needs us."

JJ sighs, looking down to John B laying across me.

"It's been three months."

"It's been six since my dad left and I'm still reeling. I cry about it almost every night."

"Rachel, I'm really sorry. Can we just forget I said that?'

I looked back to him as he started to move to sit next to me. I just looked into his eyes, wondering where he had been. What had he been doing? I was practically the only one that was here for John B and I couldn't even rely on JJ. JJ and John B were my best friends and I needed both of them to get through this.

"Can we talk about where you've been? I've been worried sick, and I've been here by myself taking care of him." I look down to John B, wiping the stray tears from his face as he slept.

"Rach, it's not important. I'm here now, okay? I'm sorry for leaving, I'll be here for the rest of your life, alright?"

"Woah, the rest of my life?"

"Yes, seriously. If that's how long it takes to make it up to you, then yes."

"You sound like a character in a rom com that's about to propose or something." I chuckled.

His cheeks flushed and he laid his hand over mine.

"I care about you, okay? And you're trying to joke around about it now?"

"Yes because the JJ I know would never say this. Did you do something?"

"I've been off with some girls. Just needed to clear my head."

"Girls? Oh my god, how could you?" I sarcastically grinned.

"I'm sorry. I really am."

"You don't have to be sorry. It's not like you're my boyfriend. It's just that I couldn't take care of him on my own. I'm surprised I'm still standing. It's been rough. I'm glad you're back. That's all that matters to me."

"I thought going away would clear my head, but it didn't. I just feel guilty."

"Guilty? JJ, it's okay. I'm sorry for making you feel bad, it's really alright."

"Because both of my best friends dads have disappeared in the last six months and I feel like it's because of me."

"Why would you think that? You had no idea about the problems with my parents and Big John loved you. It wasn't your fault."

"I just do. That's how I always feel. Like I could've stopped it."

"That's not on you. You aren't responsible for what happens. I'm so glad that I have the two bestest and strongest friends ever to help me get through. I know JB feels the same. I wouldn't be here without you two, especially you."

"Me?"

"Yes you. I care about you too. I worry too much about you when you're gone. Don't leave me again."

"I'm stuck with you, huh?"

"Yep, for the rest of your life remember?"