After the Storm- JJ Maybank (Outer Banks)

34.

I rolled my suitcase down the stairs with a thud. I let it sit in front of the door.

"We're gonna get you all the help you need, okay sweetheart?" I felt my dads hand on my shoulder.

JJ must've told my dad what was going on. Because shortly after JJ left, he came into my room and held me while I was curled up into a ball. I couldn't stop crying. Nothing made me feel better. Nothing. I knew there was something wrong with me, and I knew what I had been thinking was not right. I loved JJ and the pogues more than I loved anything in the entire world.

My dad decided that a mental facility where I would stay for a few weeks would be best for me. So, they could really figure out what was going on in my head. It was outside of the OBX, which is another good idea for me. The OBX was my home, and I could imagine myself living here for the rest of my days. I really didn't want to leave. I sat in the passenger seat of the car, waiting for my dad to come and take me to the place.

I looked in the rear view mirror and saw none other than John B. He was wearing board shorts and a hawaiian style shirt as he always did. He walked up to the window and I rolled it down. I swallowed hard, not sure what was about to happen.

"Hi." I said quietly.

"Where are you going? I haven't seen JJ since last night. Is he here?"

He hasn't said anything. Why did he keep it to himself?

"John B, I know you're not gonna like this. And I want to apologize in advance."

"Rachel."

"I'm serious. Please listen. When Rafe found me and choked me out the other day, something sort of clicked inside of me. I felt so helpless, like I was near death. It was terrifying but there was a part of me that found it thrilling. Ever since I got away from him, I've been thinking about some dark things. My dad and I decided it's best for me to get some help. I'm gonna be gone for a few weeks."

"I'm so sorry, Rachel. I think that this is a good choice for you. I'm glad you recognized that. Sometimes it's hard to think about that kind of stuff. I'm here to support you through as much as I can." He grabbed my hand through the window.

"Thank you. I really appreciate that."

"So, where's JJ?"

"He broke up with me last night."

"What? Why?"

"Because I need to focus on myself and fix what's wrong. I thought about some messed up shit, John B. I don't even wanna think about it right now. I'm terrified of my own thoughts."

"You're okay with that?"

"Not really. But, I don't want to bring any of you down. I really just wanna get back into how it was before last summer. I miss it. I wish I could go back."

"It's okay. I'm sorry. I really am. You didn't deserve anything that happened to you. You are still Rachel. You just need some help, and that's okay. I'm going to be here after you get back. Is it okay if I call you and stuff while you're away?"

"Thank you. Of course, as long as I'm allowed to have my phone. If not, my dad can give you the address so you can send letters."

"Ah, the old fashion way."

"Yeah. My little pen pal."

He chuckled.

"Sarah and I broke up too."

"Because of the explosion?"

He nodded, with a small half smile on his face. It looked forced.

"I'm sorry, JB. I'm here for you." I squeezed his hand hard.

"Thank you."

I see my dad coming out of the front door, locking it behind him. He gave John B a small wave.

"Steve. Good to see you."

"John B, you too. How you holding up?"

"I'm good. Thank you for asking."

"I'll see you around then?" I looked up to him, trying to keep my emotions to a minimum.

He was the only one that came to see me. I really only felt close to him and JJ. Sarah and I were a little close but not much. I never really saw Kie and Pope, only when hanging out with the group or solving mysteries.

"Obviously." He smiled.

My dad sat in the drivers seat, starting the car.

"Keep an eye on JJ for me, okay? Please stay out of trouble, all of you. I want to come back and see you all in one piece."

"Of course. But no promises on staying out of trouble." He gave me a wink.

I lifted my body up and wrapped my arms around his neck, pulling myself into him. I squeezed pretty tight, feeling my breathing become more shallow.

"God, I just got you back."

"You still have me. I'm not going anywhere."

"I know. I know."

I pull out and sit back into my seat.

"Bye JB."

"See ya, Rach."

My dad gave a nod as he began to back out of the driveway. I looked behind us, slowly watching John B fade away. I leaned back into my seat, putting my earbuds in so I could drown out my thoughts. I wish I would've had the chance to say goodbye to JJ, give him one last hug, feel his warm lips against mine, sleep beside him. All of that was gone, and it was all my fault.