The take-back of Ravenshire Prep {UNDER REVISION}

chapter 11

Okay, I'll admit it. I threw the singing battle so Quinn could sing lead. I saw how much she wanted it, and I didn't want to be the one stopping her from making her mark. And... let's be honest.

I really, really, like her. I Like her, like her.

But I know I shouldn't. I'm pansexual, right? Which means I can still like boys. Some part of me can still pretend that I don't change in the bathroom during gym or feel hidden when the straight girls talk about their crushes. But I know that's not the case. I can't change who I am, and I don't want to. There. I said it. I am proud to crush on Quinn. But I still can't bring myself to tell mom. I don't even know if she supports the community, much less let her gay daughter live under her roof.

So I'll stay in this closet. I'll kiss a boy and date him and say that I've never been happier. I will live like they want me to, for now. I don't know what's going to happen in the future, but I'll burn that bridge when I get to it.

I set down my pen and shut my spiral journal shut, shoving the notebook under the bed, hiding myself for another day. How was I going to tell my family? Or my friends? Or...Quinn. She would laugh, the voice in my head taunted me. "I thought you were normal," she'll say. Nobody will love you anyway. Stop giving yourself false hope.
I pushed the disproving thoughts out of my head and put in my earbuds.

I am going to be free someday, I looked out the window, brushing back the lace curtains and gazing at the sidewalk.
just not today...A brown mop jogged with a brownish-whitish dog. It was Quinn. I rested my arms on the windowsill and watched her go by as my music played.

I wanna kiss you until I lose my breath...

Lyrics credit- I Wanna Be Your Girlfriend by Girl in Red